THOUGHTS

Sensus Communis

2012-01-11T00:09:00.002+08:00

Still late. I started the first day of work beinglate by twenty four minutes and they say, how you start your year will be howyour year will be. The government’s bundy clock is quite efficient when itcomes to tardiness. I started with twenty four, next day was sixteen minutes,then eight, the last day of the week I was three minutes close to being on timebut still late. What is quite interesting is that it only takes about threeminutes to go to the office from my place. Yesterday was Monday, I did resolve the daybefore that I’ll be on the dot, but eleven minutes waited for me to be late.Today I woke up forty five minutes earlier than usual, but so much for hopingand trying, I arrived two minutes late. Quite close but still late. I hope I’llarrive on time tomorrow.

Now on to other matters, before our Christmasvacation in the university, my students took their Midterm exam in advance.It’s supposed to be on the 18^th to 20^th of this month butwe were ahead of time with our lectures. I checked the papers during the breakand I am a bit disappointed with the results. I definitely made the exam easierthan the previous ones but it did not show substantial difference compared togiving difficult exams. The exam was analytical, as expected from the nature ofeconomics. Some of the questions were too logical but they did not get theright answer, multiple choice resulting to multiple errors. It is perhaps because my students did not orthey do not really study. I don’t get the idea that they were expecting to passwithout even studying. How is that possible? One of my students was evenskeptical with her score that we had to go over all the test questions to provethat she deserved what she got. She told me that she studied before the exam and that she does not deserve to fail. I just told her, "Then study harder. That's what you should do for the finals." There is indeed a big difference between knowing and understanding. Mere knowledge would not suffice, it's simply not what you know but how you understand the concepts--this is what education is all about.

Voltaire was right when he said common sense is not so common. It's clearly becoming a "copy and paste" culture. Thinking is almost optional. We are surrounded with ready information we do not have time to digest them. The information we get from television and the internet may keep us updated but may be a reason for us to become lax. It's also a culture of "Like" and "Statuses" when we try to draw the attention of other people. Even a culture of "unfriend" or remove from friend's list and "unlike" which is another term for correcting what has been liked earlier but soon realized that it should not have been liked in the first place. These may be simple actions in the virtual world, but they create a big gap as to how people should communicate. Some of my students do not talk at all but they are quite loud online. They don't talk when they're in the offline world but they are noisy online. So the question perhaps is, how often do you use your brain? If you use it everyday, then that's good. If you have not been using it for more than a week now, do something...think perhaps?

Felix Sit Annus Novus!

2011-12-31T19:31:00.000+08:00

"It isimportant to always go back and reflect on what we are celebrating. Thefirst Christmas passed inthe most humble and simple way. Christmas should be more than the garb andlavish merriment. In its truest sense, Christmas comes in small things. It isthe time when we see the child in each of us. If we want to really experiencewhat this season is all about, we should have the ability to feel joy and awelike a child hastily opening a present."

I wrote this when Iwas asked to share a one-minute introduction as part of the facultypresentation for this year's university Christmas party. You might ask, isn'tthis what you have always been reflecting on for more than 10 years? It's quitetrue but Christmas can never be trite. It's something we never get tired ofcelebrating it for we the chance to be child-like again. Child-like, as it hasalways been explained is entirely different from being childish. Adults, as faras I'm aware can never get back and have that innocence we see in infants. Evena time machine cannot do this particular job. So what does it mean to bechild-like? It simply means being happy without being too rational or withoutbeing rational at all. When a child is given a present, the child would simplysmile and feel excited. The awe which we do not see often from adults.

Another year is about to end, it has been a very productive year for me. Just last April I took a job offer to be an agricultural technician under the Local Government Unit in my place, I still teach at the university at night. In addition, this is my second year taking master’s, I hope to finish it within a year. Working for the government has made me complain less about how the whole system works. There are still people who believe in transparency and good governance. I'm beginning to understand what public service really means. It's quite true that those who complain a lot are those who do not really act or those who do not contribute to the solution which the system badly needs.

So a good point for reflection, did I devote a lot of time complaining about how things are going? I'm not just referring to what the government is doing but also to our personal situation. How we attain our goals and how we react to unexpected changes.

This year can also be seen in terms of beginnings and endings. Has it been a chaotic year? If yes, then there is a great need to organize our lives. If we're fond of planning our lives, we need to sort things out. First we need to identify what causes chaos, in most cases, it's poor time management. I have to admit that I encountered this problem quite often this year. I tried to do a little troubleshooting and just found out that accumulated time (summation) just to click that famous "LIKE" button is possibly equal to time devoted to work or even time to organize one's schedule. Managing time still consumes a certain amount of time. There is no such activity that does not consume time. If we believe that time is money, as I always remind my students, dreaming cannot be free at all ("hindi libre ang mangarap").

About two years ago, I wrote an entry entitled, "On Gratitude", the reflection is quite relevant, the best way to end this year and begin with the next is to have a grateful disposition. The nature of gratitude is that it makes us rejoice in the things we have or have received, it does not focus much on what we do not have. It makes a big difference if we live in constant gratitude. It is a way to live, not just the right response for what we receive. There is happiness in contentment brought about by gratitude.

Thank you! Here's to a Happy and Prosperous New Year!

what is...is

2011-11-07T21:44:00.000+08:00

It is an hypothesis that the sun will rise tomorrow: and this means that we do not know whether it will rise. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

it was a thursday when i attended a seminar on abaca (Musa textilis) production. i was not too interested since abaca has been there for quite some time and i do not see any substantial effect on the lives of abaca planters. but there were about thirty who attended that event. it was when i tried to listen to the second topic, about abaca morphology, a farmer asked the resource person: "tano po arog cayan ang dahon can abaca?" ("why are abaca leaves like that?-referring to the morphological appearance of the leaves") , with wit the speaker quickly replied, "ah, iyo man po siguro yan an gusto can mahal na Dios." ("ah, maybe that's how our loving God wants it to be.").
the same farmer asked another question: "ang pisog po can abaca nagtutubo man?" ("do abaca seeds grow if we plant them?"). the speaker simply replied, "pag dai po yan nagadan, matubo yan" ("if the seeds do not die, they will grow"). everybody laughed while the farmer just smiled and scratched his head.probably disappointed but the answers were quite 'right' and obvious.
humorous it may be, it's a story we can all learn from. old farmers are quick-witted that they can really be sarcastic, they've been through a lot and perhaps have learned to submit to the laws of nature. simply put, some things are just beyond their control.there is wisdom in their indifference.uncertainty abounds but if you ask them why they still continue to plant their crops, they would tell you, they won't have anything to do anymore.

Life by Mother Teresa of Calcutta

2011-06-13T10:51:00.000+08:00

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

Mother Teresa

Pensees No. 143

2010-08-10T23:56:00.000+08:00

We are full of things that impel us outwards. Our instinct makes us feel that our happiness must be sought outside ourselves. Our passions drive us outwards, even without objects to excite them. External objects tempt us in themselves and entice us even when we do not think about them. Thus it is no good philosophers telling us:

Withdraw into yourselves and there you will find your good. We do not believe them, and those

who believe them are the most empty and silly of all.

- Blaise Pascal, Pensees No. 143

What's new about SONA? They did not burn the effigy. That's what is different about it. Perhaps there's much hope as if to say, "let him prove himself as our leader". So some would just choose to watch first before they say anything and I think it's the wise thing to do... for now. It's too early to claim national transformation. The government today has become a huge auditor of the previous administration's expenses. The previous government's stench is what gives the current government its very "strength". Say something bad about the previous government and your image will look great.Just great.
The question now, is the current government moving towards real change or is it merely creating an illusion of change?

As I watched them answer their midterm exam, one of my students was busy tinkering his calculator with such certainty, really focused on solving the problem I gave. I found the sight interesting, I thought he probably knows how to solve it, i can even hear the sound of the calculator buttons/pad from where i stood. Several minutes after I announced that they can start submitting their test papers, the student stood up to submit his paper. As I was really interested, I hurriedly checked the part where they should answer the problem to see if he got the answers right...and I was amazed too see a blank paper. What was that student solving when I saw him seriously manipulating his computing machine? He may have tried or he thought "i'm supposed to be seen answering the problem but i don't know how so i'll just pretend that i'm using my calculator". Strange. Really strange.

what we are not

2010-07-06T22:56:00.002+08:00

earlier today, i rode the bus going to the university where i work at. i was looking at my watch every now and then, probably because i was running late. the trip is also the time when i gather my thoughts for the day's activities, preparing what approach i would use for the lectures.
i had a seven a.m. class. just ten minutes before seven, a girl about eleven or twelve of age sat beside me, she was also on her way to attend school based on the fact that she was wearing a school's uniform. before she sat she patted my shoulders signaling me to move a bit. i was a bit busy with thinking how my day would go. i looked at her and moved to give her some space so she could sit. while seated, i noticed she tried to look at me for several seconds and tried to look at the other direction. she was probably observing. after some seconds of silence, probably thinking if she should speak or not, she looked at me and ask in a very gentle and innocent tone: "padi ca po?"(are you a priest?). a question which i didn't really expect.
i did not have a ready answer so in silence i slightly turned my head from side to side to mean no. i did not see her reaction. after a few minutes she went ahead to attend school. while on the bus i contemplated on what could have made that girl ask that kind of question?

last sunday's sermon is somehow related to what had happened this morning. the celebrant talked about the real essence of a human being by discussing what man is not. he mentioned three important things that we are not supposed to identify ourselves with.
the first is that we are not what we own. we are not what we have. it is wrong to identify ourselves with our possessions or properties clearly because the essence of man is not only limited to tangible things.
secondly, we are not what other people say. the point here is to look at how we are living our lives, are we slaves of good reputation? do we always please people by acting according to what they want? again, the real self is not dependent on how other people see us and what they say about us. it's something more than that.
third, we are not what we can do. it is not right to equate ourselves with our talents, our job and even our achievements. there certainly is something more than the things we can do.

is it already clear to us that we are not to identify ourselves with the three things?
are we fond of looking at the things we have and boast about them? do we always pattern our lives to the notion that other people should see us untarnished? do we tend to please other people more often, to the point of false humility? do we claim that we are what we do? that the self is no different from our work or our talents? do we limit ourselves to these things?
half of the year is over but it's never too late to rethink the way we see life. the way we value ourselves. the things we identify ourselves with. we have to be aware of one simple fact: that we human beings were certainly made for greater things.

kairos*

2010-07-02T06:30:00.002+08:00

Let me start today's reflection with a short story about two monks and a lady, here it is:

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her.

The senior monk carried this woman on his shoulder, forded the river and let her down on the other bank. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing.

They both were walking and the senior monk noticed that his junior was suddenly silent and inquired "Is something the matter, you seem very upset?"

The junior monk replied, "As monks, we are not permitted to touch a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?"

The senior monk replied, "I left the woman a long time ago at the bank, however, you seem to be carrying her still."

reflection:

several minutes ago i turned our calendar to what month it's supposed to be, half of the year has ended, i'd say very quickly. in about four or five months we will start worrying about the holidays. more than two weeks ago i went to an island called maculabo, i still don't know the origin of the name but it sure was a great place. the trip was something "unplanned", because it only took us less than thirty minutes to decide that we definitely have to go there. aside from the beautiful beach, beautiful means white sand and azure waters in this case, we also trekked to see the rock formation on the other side of the island. it reminded me of the photos i've seen of batanes, windy grasslands and cliffs and the vast sea. i also had a chance to gain new friends (see facebook). different walks of life. different motivations why they went to the place. we drank cuatro cantos (ginebra san miguel), and ate really good food except for the grilled liempo which was tough. i had a hard time chewing the meat. i got to experience stillness in the middle of a mild storm inside a tent, which was dripping along with the rains. it wasn't waterproof, we just found out that night and accepted the hard fact that it just wasn't waterproof.

in about an hour i will be in front of my class and will start my lecture about the ten principles of economics by greg mankiw, an economist based in harvard. i will be talking to sophomore students, deciding what major to pursue, and i need to sound very convincing to entice them to take ageconomics as their major. talk about vested interests.

when asked what i am doing right now, i'd say i'm typing this while reflecting, and going back once in a while to sip coffee. that's what i'm exactly doing right now, which in just a matter of milliseconds will become part of human history, part of the past. what's good about the future, i've heard, is that it's not here yet. what's good about the past, i'd say, is that it's not here anymore.
and the present? what can we say about the present? the present simply comes to pass in a matter of milliseconds.gone even before you think it is. so we never really own time. so we never really have the chance to hold on to our precious time. it's similar to writing about that island while i'm sitting inside my room.

sequential events. we look at the quantitative nature of time, for instance, how long it would take to write this without me being late for class. we look back and we look ahead. we are aware that it is finite. limited.

*the qualitative nature of time. definition

photo by ms. trish benitez

remembering blaise pascal

2010-06-21T20:37:00.001+08:00

It was Blaise Pascal's 387th birthday last Saturday. His work Pensees is the inspiration of this blog. I encountered that book back when I was in high school. Until now, i still find time to read his brilliant piece of work.

It created in me an awareness of the mystery of human life and even the existence of God, that in each of us- no matter how incomprehensible things are, there is this sanctuary inside where we can contemplate and reflect.
Even if it has been more than 380 years, his writings on the nature of human life still applies.still observable.
Some things indeed never change. Here's to inconstancy, boredom, and anxiety.

on humor

2010-06-09T19:55:00.004+08:00

Brother John entered the "Monastery of Silence" and the Abbott said,"Brother, this is a silent monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Brother John lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbott said to him, "Brother John, you have been here five years now; you may speak two words."

Brother John said, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Abbot said. "We will get you a better bed."

After another five years, Brother John was called by the Abbott. "You may say another two words, Brother John."

"Cold food," said Brother John, and the Abbott assured him that the food would be better in the future.

On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbott again call Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today."

"I quit," said Brother John.

"It is probably best, you've done nothing but complain since you got here." *

let's leave politics to the politicians for now. we're still in that stage of being hopeful mixed with a certain degree of apathy. we are somehow hopeful that the new president will do something new or something redemptive and we are somehow apathetic since we tend to go back to that basic question, "what's new?" politics has always been and will always be dirty.

now on to that serious matter, i have been reflecting on how this blog has progressed or developed in terms of maturity and depth. i noticed that the flow has been that of a serious tone, an inclination to sound absolute given the inconsistencies of life. some entries have made me and the readers laugh, probably about ten percent of the whole blog. yes, i'm talking about humor or simply the ability to laugh. let's ask ourselves one basic question: when was the last time i really had a good laugh? if your answer goes like "i can't remember" or "it's been about a year" and you're asking why all things are going wrong and life has become chaotic. then you may be taking things too seriously or you just don't have any clear reason as to why you should laugh.

the word "life" is not and will never be synonymous to the word "problem". try to remember the time when you laughed, it simply made things light. it's quite clear that it's not the problems that come, they're part of the package for as long as we are alive, it's how we deal with them. cheerfulness is one way of coping with life's ups and downs. i seldom meet cheerful people, they sure have their own share of problems but they know how to handle them.

so laugh when there's an opportunity to do so. what's good about laughter is that there's no rule as to how you should do it. it comes naturally and with such spontaneity. there's no such thing as a bad laugh. be it the basic "hahaha" or simple "hehe". we should, however, be aware of the things we laugh at. it shouldn't be something out of sarcasm, bad jokes and even the misfortune of other people. the intention should be clean, it shouldn't be a cause of insult. other than the considerations mentioned, laughing is easy. it's never too late to laugh again.

one last thing, i have observed that laughter is contagious. i suggest that we start collecting humorous jokes and experiences. start sharing them. laughter is one of those contagious acts which makes other people feel well.

*from this site

ode to philippine poverty

2010-05-03T19:56:00.007+08:00

yes, they all want to serve, them who are running for public office. and most of them are running in the name of poverty. the political ads of one presidential candidate, with that cheerful melody, tells us about the glory of poverty. the lyrics points to him as the one who is truly poor.
'mahirap'- poor.he was born poor.he was once poor, bathed in a sea of garbage, spent christmas in the streets.
another candidate is claiming that he also had his share of suffering, because he saw how his mom and dad suffered.'naghirap'-suffered.
lastly, we have a presidentiable who is 'para sa mahirap'- for the poor or pro-poor.

they are fighting against poverty.one is saying that if there's no corruption in the government no one will be poor.this is the same person who had been given a public position for more than ten years.the other one would like to eradicate poverty, given six years as the president of the country, how can he totally get rid of poverty? we're talking about millions of citizens here.
the question is, why only now? they were all there seated in the senate or congress and they've only thought of fighting poverty now.
it's funny, the elite trying to own or grab poverty itself.
they really want to own practically almost everything...even poverty!
now is the time to really think whom we should vote for.

it's certainly not the one who has highly praised poverty.
it's certainly not the one who's claiming he had his share of suffering.
it's the one who has served and continues to serve.
let's not just depend on conscience, today we have to be logical.
it's not much of what we feel, it's more of having a solid basis or reason why we should vote for our preferred candidates.

a parable on modern life

2010-03-03T08:46:00.005+08:00

Here's something from Anthony de Mello's book "The Song of the Bird".

A Parable on Modern Life

The animals met in assembly and began to complain

that humans were always taking things from them.

"They take my milk," said the cow.

"They take my eggs," said the hen.

"They take my flesh for bacon," said the hog.

"They hunt me for my oil," said the whale.

Finally the snail spoke. "I have something they would

certainly take away from me if they could.

Something they want more than anything else.

I have TIME."

-You have all the time in the world, if you would give it to yourself.What's stopping you?

personal reflection:

what's stopping you? yes, it's also worth our time to reflect about TIME, it's one of the most important intangible elements in man's existence. so how do we spend our time?does it go to trivial things?or to where it's supposed to be spent?is it being consumed just to satisfy our personal interests?making money?does some of it go to the needy?the people who needs a bit of our time?or is it concentrated to fill our pleasure-seeking appetite?can we really claim for ourselves that we are using it wisely?or are we simply wasting it?it's very rare when we meet people saying they have so much time.it's always the case of 'i don't have enough time.' we can't add to what has been established as twenty four hours, we can't even deduct an hour or a minute from it. we simply have to sort things out. we have to identify what activities do not deserve our time, they are the so-called 'time-wasters'. i think everyone has them. we simply have to eliminate these time-wasters and devote that time to more productive things.

lastly, let us learn how to be more appreciative of this valuable

gift. time is actually how we often measure life.how we spend it can actually say something about what kind of people we are.

photo taken from this site

of accidents and gentle giants

2010-02-14T08:41:00.011+08:00

inputs are welcome but my IT is absolute!-->first day
0900 - met Darwyn, Janice and Lee at Naga Van Terminal.left Naga for Legazpi City. we rode a van (150.00). we were supposed to meet at 8am but i arrived late because i had to attend an important event, which i personally understand to be a higher good.
1120 - Legazpi City Grand Terminal. there was a miscommunication as we were to meet Mel and Pompo in Daraga terminal. we just rode the van going to Pilar from the Grand Terminal, had two seats reserved and decided to pass by Daraga Terminal for Mel and Pompo. we also ate lunch before we went to Pilar.
1200 - van left bound to Pilar, Sorsogon (66.60). the two groups merged and discussed the miscommunication.I said I don't think the words 'shell' and 'church' were in the itinerary (and rechecking the itinerary after the trip, i was right).
1315 - arrived at Pilar Port (Sorsogon), the group asked around, we were after the fast craft which according to the schedule, left at twelve noon. we were just hopeful we could still catch that trip. given the situation, we decided to follow plan B, ride a snail vessel, in our case it was Gloria 10 which took three hours to reach our destination. after paying the terminal fee (5.00) the fare (200.00) we went to the boat.
1330 - travel to masbate.Gloria 10 had a capacity of 108 passengers, familiar sight was life vests tucked on the 'ceiling' and lots of pineapple at the back part. how did we spend the travel time? we played cards and took photos of the rock formation/islets (monreal island).some slept during the trip.
1630 - masbate port. we were in hurry since we were after the van trip to sha's place. we were informed that the trip actually stops at sun down (according to pompo). sounds really primitive but we were all looking at the sun. we rode the trike to the terminal and met joseph (sha's husband), good thing he was able to save some seats on the van. we left at 1700.

1700 - trip to cabitan. above is one of the photos i took while riding the van. the high speed ride and motion gave that surreal effect. this was taken at dusk.
1830 - arrived at cabitan, joseph was already there, he went ahead of us with his motorbike. we paid the fare (80.00) then rode the motorbike to sha's place (10.00)
1845 - after that long and winding trip, we finally arrived at sha's place,really cozy.after that warm welcome, she prepared dinner. we ate at 1930, the food was hearty just like how our host welcomed us. after dinner, we gathered for the reunion proper along with the videoke and the mixed brandy and iced tea drink. it was a recollection of old memories, about ten years ago there was our batch, jovellanos. 0130 - it was time for us to get some rest.

sh*t happens.-second day
0600 - with less than 5 hours of sleep, we woke up to prepare for the day's activities. ate breakfast and took a bath. sha told us that there was a bus bound for masbate city proper at 0700, we were waiting just outside the compound but no bus came. we decided to go directly to mandaon as it would mean longer waiting time if we decided to ride the van in cabitan. we rode the motorbike (40.00) and the travel time took almost thirty minutes.
0730 - left mandaon. van ride (100.00) took more than an hour before we arrived at the city proper. most of us slept during the trip to compensate for lack of it.
0905 - arrived at the van terminal and discussed the itinerary. there were three destinations that day. we omitted one (baleno)since we found out that it would consume a lot of time just going there. we decided to go to the nearest destination (buntod reef) and then mobo island at 1400 (later this would change due to some uncontrollable event). we've arranged the transpo for the afternoon event, rent a van to mobo.we rode the trike to barangay tugbo, place near buntod reef, we dropped by a certain resort and the drivers were informed to ask permission from the mayor of masbate. and so we went to the mayor to ask for his kind permission, the mayor told us 'you don't need any permit, it's open to the public'. we went back to barangay tugbo, the trike drivers looked for their banca (small about) operator contact residing somewhere along the road. after several minutes of negotiation we settled for a transpo fee of 600.00, back and forth.
1000 - left for buntod reef. it was a 15-minute boat ride.we didn't think much about the scorching heat of the sun as we were struck with awe.for me it was like calaguas the second time around. we took photos of the place. they swam. some parts were filled with mangroves.spent about two hours savoring nature.
1155 - on our way back to masbate proper, when our banca was just about five hundred meters before it reaches the shore, our puny banca capsized.caused by a big wave, an imbalance in the support and somehow my heavy weight. it happened so fast, all i can hear was janice shouting 'O! O! O!' and 'bag ko! bag ko!' (my bag! my bag!). luckily there was another banca passing by, signaled us that they'll come. when the banca was about to capsize, i already knew that it was certainly going to happen.my mind went blank when the banca capsized. i didn't know what to do. it was only after a few seconds when i realized that i was swimming to save my life. i tried to look for my bag, it wasn't there.maybe it sank. the functional banca brought us to a resort. there we stayed for a few hours to dry our things. after about thirty minutes, they retrieved the three missing bags. all soaked and drenched. yes. my cellphone expired because of that accident. i had it fixed but it's a hopeless case. while on the resort we had to share our personal experiences on what happened. we share the same thing: blank thoughts while the boat turned except for janice who was yelling because she was worried about her bag. we had a good laugh at what happened contrary to what we're supposed to feel as a normal reaction to what happened.
1540 - after drying our clothes and eating lunch with two bottles of my favorite cerveza we decided to cancel our mobo trip and left the resort to transfer to a hotel in the city proper. checked in at gv hotel (650.00 two heads/room, additional 250 for an extra bed. we occupied two rooms as there were six of us.
1630 - we prepared for a walk at the city proper, pompo decided to have his cellphone fixed, marilee and janice went to buy some clothes, mel, darwyn, and i joined pompo.we waited more than an hour only to know that they can't fix pompo's phone. after this frustrating realization, we tried to look for the souvenir shop selling cowboy hats, darwyn wanted to buy one. it took us about an hour before we found the place, and when we arrived the shop was already closed. most stores close at six in the evening.
1900 - ate dinner at odi's. we were all starving. we ordered bulalo and rice meals. pompo shouldered about seventy percent of the total expenses.too bad they didn't have my favorite cerveza.
2100 - went back to the hotel. i took a bath since the walk made me sweat a lot and the night was quite warm even with the airconditon on, probably because the walls absorbed some heat in the afternoon. we gathered at the girl's room since it was cool in there, we were able to do some post-event analysis/evaluation and came up with the resolution: texting while boating is really dangerous (from what janice experienced).
we also discussed the itinerary for the next day: wake up at three thirty in the morning because the fast craft to pilar leaves at four.
2200 - slept early because we were all somehow tired. paradise and accident all experienced within a day.

yudisota!-third day
0400 - it's clear that we did not wake up according to the itinerary, just packed our things and went to masbate port. the fast craft has already left. a coincidence maybe, Gloria 10 vessel (200.00) was there and would leave at six thirty, we ate our breakfast of goto with egg (rice porridge)(40.00, goto with egg is 30.00 and since we ate egg there was an additional 10.00-we were all confused) and waited at the boat.
0630 - boat left for pilar, sorsogon. stayed outside the boat to view the rock formation and talk to a masbateno who happens to be a social studies teacher. also watched some dolphins and flying fish. the weather was fair. i spent almost 3 hours just watching and reflecting a bit.
0930 - arrived at pilar port(5.00 terminal fee again). bought some lanzones (Lancium domesticum) from Camiguin (50.00), sweet, no doubt it's from Camiguin. we looked for the jeep bound to donsol and found it passing just in front of pilar church.
0945 - rode the jeep to donsol (15.00)
1030 - arrived at donsol, rode the trike (20.00) to barangay dancal.
1045 - registered at the municipal tourism office. registration is 100.00 and boat rate is 685.00 per head with an additional 250.00 if you'd opt to rent their flippers and mask.

1100 - met sir gerry, our guide and 'life saver' along with the spotter (spots the whale shark) and two banca operators. for two hours we spotted about five whale sharks. my first and second attempt to go after the whale shark failed. the second attempt made me tired, i was swimming towards our banca which was quite far, i gulped about a liter of seawater, and i signaled for help. sir gerry swam and saved me.thanks to him i'm still alive. i rested on the third and fourth sighting. the fifth attempt was successful, the whale shark was just below my feet when i watched, serenely swimming. that's where they got the 'gentle giants'. gigantic yet serene creatures.

1300 - went back to mainland donsol.took a bath. drank a bottle of cold cerveza and bought some souvenirs.a nice way to end whale shark watching.

1345 - rode the trike to giddy's, a resto which the trike driver recommended. again, we were all starving. i'd say the food was pricey but wasn't that good.

1445 - road trike to van terminal bound for legazpi (10.00). ate halo halo at the terminal since we were waiting for passengers to fill the van.

1530 - van trip to legazpi (60.00). as expected, we all slept during the trip.

1630 - arrived at legazpi grand terminal. rode the van bound to naga(150.00). yes, we slept again.pompo rode the van bound for nabua to attend to urgent family matters.

1900 - naga city proper.parted ways. all tired but all satisfied with the three-day event.

third and fourth photo from yudi mel's camera taken by myself and ironmark respectively

2010:no new year's resolution

2010-01-21T17:56:00.005+08:00

the first two weeks of the year usually starts with that great struggle to implement whatever resolution one has come up. it usually doesn't work.the third week is the beginning of what the year really will be. we know the rewards of our resolution but we do not necessarily impose punishments if we're not able to effectively do them. i decided not to make a list of resolutions this year, i had a long list last year and didn't accomplish anything. for someone who was not born yesterday, someone who already has gray hair at twenty six and still counting, i believe it's wise not to make such a list especially if it's already quite clear that it won't work after the second week. it's the case of the more you want to get rid of something, say a habit, the more you think of it.and the more you think or even contemplate about it, the higher the chance of sliding back to zero. it's the familiar game called snakes and ladders, it's just that we don't use any dice to play life's game. there's certainly nothing wrong with deciding to change a bad habit and making resolutions to do so. but looking at the nature of resolutions, they talk more of what we're not supposed to do. they usually start with 'i won't' or 'i'll never do this or do that again'.it may be the very reason why it's difficult.it's not that i got tired or skeptical of making that list, the main basis is nothing has been accomplished since the time i decided to make yearly resolutions. i already know what needs to be changed and it's not easy. my approach this year would be that of not imposing too much pressure, changing a habit not by thinking that i'm not supposed to do it but observing.watching.and gradually understanding.this i learned from a book entitled 'awareness'.it claims that the trouble with people is that they're busy fixing things they don't even understand. change actually begins with understanding. my goal for this year is to change with/by understanding. how do i go about changing old habits? it's also in the book, 'when there's something within you that moves in the right direction, it creates its own discipline.'

on gratitude

2009-12-21T07:51:00.004+08:00

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. - Albert Schweitzer

this year will not end without saying a word about gratitude. this is perhaps the best time to look back and reflect on the things we should be really thankful for. at the end of this entry, we should be able to answer these: "how grateful have i been?" and "how can i be more grateful?"

"give us this day our daily bread"...a line from the famous Christian prayer. we look at the fact that we have been provided with the daily necessities of life. from food to shelter. three meals a day and we never get hungry. our daily bread. 365 days of not lacking the basic necessities is one deep reason to be thankful. in reality, we have been given more than our daily bread, but most of us (this includes me) are still worried on how to have more. they say that human wants is insatiable, that we can never get contented once we have experienced a certain degree of satisfaction. we tend to want more and more of the things we believe could make us feel satisfied. from "give us this day our daily bread" to "just give me more bread". this is because we are not thankful for the things we already have or we have received, instead we focus on the things we don't have and how we can acquire them. we end up either temporarily satisfied or disappointed.

another reason to be thankful is that we were not created to live alone. we are surrounded by our loved ones, our friends, people who care for us. Albert Schweitzer, a philosopher and a theologian, has said it well, they are the people who provide the spark to rekindle our light whenever it goes out. they are those who console us in times of loneliness and despair, they are the people who are always willing to support and protect us whenever we feel weak. we know who they are and we know that they deserve our deep gratitude.

have we also been thankful for the 'not-so-good' things, the bad things, the trials and struggles of life?being thankful does not only include the good things but also things which may have caused suffering but have made us better people.

kariton heroism

2009-11-26T20:17:00.004+08:00

A lowly "kariton" or literally a wooden pushcart could actually be an effective tool to reach the slums and educate the underserved Filipino youth. And that force which makes the kariton continue to roll is Efren Peñaflorida's passion to teach and help.

I've read in the papers about two days ago that Peñaflorida's international acclaim is an indictment of the government's failure to provide education to the poor. I find the article's claim as something very agreeable, if some politician would help the needy they have to have the media for the public to know, it's as if to brag and shout 'look here! i'm helping the poor!i'm helping the poor!'. Now almost everybody wants a piece of Efren Peñaflorida and most of them are politicians, they still believe in the power of transferability of fame/popularity as one columnist said. If you are close to someone with a very honorable reputation and people see you with them, people would believe that you are somehow as good as them. Like some former mayor joining a famous boxer's welcome parade or a president giving an award to a famous boxer. The funny thing about it is that sometimes the concept of transferability doesn't work as recent surveys showed that the president's popularity went down.

So much about politicking these days. Let's go back to the kariton hero, I would also like to believe that there is still hope. Efren Peñaflorida is the Manny Pacquiao of educators, his fight is against poverty and moral deterioration. He absolutely deserves the CNN Hero award, for someone who probably thinks that these awards are just secondary to what he's after. This is one good reason to be proud of being a Filipino, that we could still have high ideals and that we still have the ability to actualize them. One thing is probably clear for someone like Efren, it's the fact that he didn't need the government to help the needy children in the slums. Helping other people doesn't have to be that grand, we could help even without the financial wealth, we have ourselves and our kariton- our time, talents, and treasure. Let me end this with something from Efren himself: “When people regard me as a hero, I always tell them that they should look inside them too because I believe that there’s a hero inside every one of us and all we have to is just to open our eyes wide and feel what’s going on, then let our hearts be willing to accommodate the needy, the desperate and the hopeless simply by extending our hand to them, and there you will unfold the hero that is in you.”

The challenge is, are we ready to push our own kariton?

image taken from this site

GNH

2009-11-17T10:52:00.003+08:00

Philippine Institute for Development Studies (PIDS) defines Gross National Product or GNP as "a measure of the country's output of final goods and services for an accounting period in terms of its market or purchaser's value. When valued at constant base year pesos, GNP at constant base year prices provides an overall index of the physical volume of goods and services produced by the economy over the period."

In simpler terms, GNP is a measure of how good a country's economic performance is in terms of income and production or output. In the case of the Philippines, our GNP in 2008 was T 8,250, 249 Php , what does this value tell us? Clearly GNP is only limited to the country's final output and income, it does not show how income is distributed and how it affects every individual's well-being or quality of life. It is not a reliable indicator of true progress, even economists recognize this fact. It is not an assurance that people are actually better off in a certain country if it attained a high GNP value.

Recognizing this fact and that GNP should be channeled towards happiness, the 4th King of Bhutan (in 1972) came up with the concept of Gross National Happiness or GNH making him the author of the exact phrase. Traditional indicators tend to focus on the material sense of a country's economy valued in monetary terms since this is perhaps the most objective way of measuring performance. GNH, though quite subjective and even an ideal concept, focuses on what the traditional indicators failed to measure; this includes culture, psychological well-being, education, good governance, etc.

If we apply this concept to the Philippines, would our GNH be positive? We'll probably have a positive value as recent surveys show that we're one of the happiest people on earth. It's quite clear to us that money can't buy happiness. Even in the midst of material poverty, we can still be happy. I guess we don't have much choice but to be happy. In a culture where the word "government" is almost synonymous to corruption, inefficiency, and rottenness, happiness can still be seen in fiestas and gimmicks, in the very simplicity of celebrating life. Isn't real poverty all about being unwanted? That you may have all your material wants but still lack the feeling of being liked or even loved. We all have to deal with life's great "trade-offs". One economic principle puts it, "the cost of something is what you give up to get it."

image source: http://idealistik.joueb.com/images/mask.gif

a blind man's cloak

2009-10-27T16:47:00.000+08:00

it's a sunny but windy afternoon here in my place, reminds me of summer only that it's happening on an October day. talk about erratic weather brought about by climate change. i just finished watering the plants, some of them withered because of the heat and the wind. humidity isn't that high the fact that the soil dries up quickly. siesta's perhaps the most appropriate thing to do but the weather's just perfect for an afternoon reflection.

about two weeks ago, one of the books i'm reading entitled 'Reflections on Augustine's Search for God' talked about blindness in the second chapter, it says there that Augustine 'believed that sight was the most precious sense power that we humans possess.... better by far to be poor and seeing than to be rich and blind'. just imagine living without our sense of sight, complete darkness, we only get to hear what other people see without us truly understanding what they are saying. i remember last month, my grandma organized and went on a field trip for the differently-abled people including the blind to legazpi, albay. i asked her, with that familiar skeptical tone, how would the blind appreciate the majestic mayon volcano? how do you explain the almost perfect cone shape of the volcano? she replied, 'they just know.'

last Sunday's gospel was Mark 10:46-52, a clear coincidence that this was also discussed in the second chapter of the book i mentioned earlier, it's about a blind man named Bartimaeus (literally means 'Son of Timaeus'). he is actually one of my favorite biblical characters, he was one of those who did not give up hope, who showed so much faith in the Master and because of that, he regained his sight.

since Bartimaeus was blind, he had to beg for a living. blindness and poverty. i would've given up hope if i were him. the priest, in his homily last sunday, focused on the significance of Bartimaeus' cloak, the only possession he had. saving him from the day's heat and his source of warmth during cold nights. the cloak is similar to our so-called security blankets as the priest said. these are the things or persons which we believe are the source of our sense of security, that is, we feel secured in their presence or when we have them. it could go from the literal sense like a child's security blanket he likes a lot he can't just sleep without it or to 'greater' things like possession of wealth or power. some are at the point of worshipping these things, they have become their idols in other words. the very hindrance in seeing the Truth. the priest continued his homily by asking, 'what makes us feel secured? is it money? is it power?'

clearly these things just come and go, fleeting so they say. everything temporary.

there is certainly nothing wrong in trying to attain that sense or feeling of being secured but we have to know who or what is it that we depend on. would they last? or would they just make us idolatrous?

what Bartimaeus did teaches us a great lesson on what should really be the source of our sense of security. security is something more than the possession of great wealth or power, for we could still grow unhappy and be full of discontentment even in the presence of these things.

Bartimaeus, after hearing the commotion and after he found out that the Master was passing by, throws off his cloak, rose up and approached the Master. In the Old Testament, as the priest mentioned, throwing off one's cloak is to let go or to cast off an old way of life and embrace a new way of life. He didn't need his cloak, his only possession, for he has found his true source of security.

on idle words

2009-10-21T09:51:00.002+08:00

i got this from a book entitled 'the spiritual exercises of st. ignatius' which i bought almost two weeks ago. though it's a spiritual reading the practical side of it is very useful in day to day living especially in a world dictated by words and noise. here it is:

'no idle word should be uttered. i understand a word to be idle when it serves no good purpose, either for myself or for another, and was not intended to do so. hence, words are never idle when spoken for any useful purpose, or when meant to serve the good of one's own soul or that of another, of the body or of temporal possessions. nor are they idle because one speaks of matters

that do not pertain to his state, for example, if a religious speaks of wars or of commerce. in all we have mentioned, there will be merit if what is said is directed to some good purpose; there will be sin if it is directed to an evil purpose, or if engaged in for no good end. '

an Deus sit?

2009-10-11T22:39:00.011+08:00

this photo was taken circa 2008 somewhere in pasig. it tends to answer the old latin question from St. Thomas Aquinas' 'Summa Theologiae', 'an Deus sit?' which literally means 'is there a God?'. we reflect on what could have made that person write it on the wall. was the person an atheist? the first thing i could think of is that the person would like to say something definite, 'there is no God' in the absence of proofs. the same way when someone expresses an emotion. it's simply, as i see it, what the person feels. goodness is something attributed to God, maybe the person doesn't experience goodness so he/she concludes that there is no God. the person may have so many doubts or unanswered questions or is going through a lot of sufferings and goes by dismissing the notion that God does not exist. it is somehow easier to prove that He does not exist than disproving that He does.

let's not go very far to explain this, Ondoy(Ketsana) victims would very well explain what i'm saying. the floods didn't filter those who are innocent from those who are not. it simply passed, not having any notion of who's good or who's evil. and for those who have obeyed or even religiously followed God, they only have one question, 'what did we do to deserve this?'

it's not really easy to believe in God, first of the reasons why is that we cannot see God. we call it 'faith' when we believe in the 'unseen' existence of God, His invisibility. second reason is, there is so much evil in the world, most of them uncontrollable and if they are controllable they still continue to happen. it makes me think that some people derive great pleasure from doing these things. it's difficult to think of God in the midst of injustice or if we think of God all we can do is blame Him for allowing us to suffer.

going back to what that calamity has brought us, did it really come from God? or was it simply caused by urbanization? God surely did not cut those trees that were there before villages or subdivisions were established. we're simply beginning to reap the consequences of what we've sown. this answers the question, 'what did we do to deserve this?' and God isn't much of a factor so as to cause that calamity.

my uncle's house in pasig was submerged in flood of about 6 feet when Ketsana passed by. i wasn't there when it happened but my housemates were there, my best friend was there, some of my things were there. i only got to visit the place after four days. ghastly. that's the more appropriate word to describe what i saw while i was on my way to our place, the thick mud the flood left, the stench of rotten rice, piles of garbage, and hopelessness felt looking at the people trying to recover what can still be saved. when i arrived at the house, a pile of trash outside greeted me, what caught my attention a guitar, only the front part was there lying on top of the trash. 'things fall apart' is the title of a book i've read back in college and it best describes the whole scenario just looking at that hopeless muddy body and the broken strings of the guitar. i went inside the house and just near the main door were some of my things, papers, books, rare cd's, clothes, etc. i didn't get a clear picture of what really happened and how it looked like until i saw the place myself. they even told me that it was cleaner than the first day they transferred to the house. they actually evacuated to our neighbor's house which was two-storey, ours is a bungalow. it was difficult to accept the mess the calamity created. it was a mixture of awe and frustration. but compared to what they've been through, those who were there to meet the floods and save themselves, starved for two days, waited...what i was feeling was nothing compared to what they've suffered. looking at what they have experienced,what is clear to me is that if you're given that situation, that calamity, what you'll actually save first, is yourself and some food to keep you going for days, and the remaining valuables you can carry and you find necessary. it certainly wouldn't be a grand piano, except if one is given the luxury of time.

what is also clear to me and this also serves as a lesson, is that we only begin to see who are those we can really depend on in times of need and that we become more aware of what really matters in life. it's certainly not the things we own which has accumulated for years, not our properties, and not even the precious things we have kept safe or even secured. we begin to see our true value when things fall apart.

we continue to pray for the victims of Ondoy (Ketsana) and Pepeng (Parma). we pray for those who are in great need. for those who have died because of the said calamities. our prayers may be the most effective way of reaching out to them even if we don't have the material means to help them.

photo: red candles from my aunt ina

lomi cuarenta y cinco!

2009-08-20T17:19:00.002+08:00

the last time i talked about how i've really enjoyed the food i ate was when i went to calaguas (calaguas getaway). this blog appears to be from someone who doesn't eat at all, an ascetic maybe, i say it's the opposite, food is something i simply enjoy. now that i'm staying in the province i have access to bicolano food and one of my favorite restos which we'll talk about in a bit. yes, i've gained a lot of weight but that's another story. another reason why i don't discuss much about real food is that this is not a food blog, it's more of a 'food-for-thought' blog. i'm thinking of creating a food blog, but i'll probably start next year. this entry is a recollection of a place called 'new china'. a restaurant. it was established in the late 50's and it looks really old now. the name of the place is a clear contradiction/contrast of how the place looks like. the restaurant has always been like that, the sitting arrangement, the familiar furniture, and the mirror that covers half of the wall to make the place appear spacious and perhaps to see who doesn't pay the bill. i've heard that the place has become dirty but i didn't notice, that's what i've always been hearing anyway. it's a chinese restaurant in the first place. i go there once a week to eat my favorite lomi or chopsuey rice. as you enter the restaurant, a waiter/waitress approaches and takes your order. in my case it's lomi, the waiter/waitress then approaches the kitchen area then shouts 'o lomi cuarenta y cinco!' or 'lomi forty-five!', it means lomi, single serving. same old way of getting orders and passing it to the kitchen. no mics and loud speakers. just the old and high pitched voice of the waiters and waitresses. it hasn't changed except for the tiled floor.

i remember my parents would usually bring us there on sundays after attending the mass. i was probably six or seven , i simply didn't like the place, it's a place for old people. it doesn't have a mascot and if it had one, i don't know if i'd like it. they didn't have happy meals or kiddy meals. that's what a resto was for me, mascots, happy or kiddy meals, children playing on some corner and a smiling lady at the counter. food wasn't that appetizing, vegies and more vegies. i was a food ignoramous then. it was in that resto that i learned how to eat real food and eat really well. it probably goes with age, tastebuds metamorphosis.

let's go back to how they serve the food, after yelling the order to the kitchen area (it's probably a requirement there that cooks have good functional ears to hear those yells or shouts), the waiter/waitress goes to a bar-like area to get a glass of water with some ice, the utensils, and a saucer with a lemoncito (Citrus sp.). while i wait for my order, i do the familiar ritual of making a dipping sauce of lemoncito (Citrus sp.) and soy sauce. it really doesn't take long before they serve your food, in about five minutes, it's ready. my favorite lomi cuarenta y cinco is served on cracked, faded, old chinese bowl. hot, thick egg-based soup with their own house egg noodles of fine strands, vegies, and tender meat. it's really good for merienda, quite filling too. and looking at it from an economist's perspective, it's worth the price. the place is more than a half century now, and it isn't dying. many people still come, mostly old people accompanied by their grandchildren, passing on a tradition of good food to the next generation.

a day in the life of a kristo

2009-08-13T22:05:00.002+08:00

earlier i had a 'for-the-road' session with my uncle, five bottles of my favorite cerveza and an interesting tale of a certain kristo. if you've read my previous entry (of metal talons, spurs, and kristos) , i may have committed a mistake in saying that kristo's take bets in the cockfighting arena when they are actually the individuals who bet, they act as the 'middlemen' or even the 'representatives' of their boss. here's how that kristo's supposedly lucky day went:

his boss or 'manager', as kristos usually call their boss, was quite lucky that day, it was a 'big time' derby. his boss finished early and gave him Php 1,500.00 as his tip. he thought that since his boss was lucky why not try his luck as well. the kristo decided to bet all the money his boss gave him and from that amount it became Php 44,000.00. it made him happy. his long-time plan of buying his own motorcycle would finally come true, not to mention that he still could spend a big amount to celebrate his luck with his fellow 'sabungeros' or kristo's. his friend, also a kristo, served as his kristo. it sounds a bit confusing, a kristo having his own kristo. just to make a clear distinction, he was the lucky kristo, where would someone get that amount? Php 44,000.00 in just one day. the lucky kristo was ready to take home his big prize when his kristo-friend tempted him to bet another Php 5,000.00 and he did. what's Php 5,000.00 anyway? guess what happened to that supposedly lucky kristo? from Php 44,000.00 he went back to zero, literally. the kristo, having nothing, ended his day sitting on a corner of the arena covering his face with his hands.

true story. what do we get from this? it's quite simple, if you're a kristo, never trust another kristo no matter how big your prize is. kristo's are 'trial-and-error' analysts. the lesson is obviously more than what i've said earlier.

i clearly have nothing against kristo's, i'm quite interested with their 'job title'. i'm even thinking of the possibility if there's a hierarchy in their field. could there be a 'head-kristo'? a 'junior kristo'? or 'apprentice-kristo'? this could be a profitable business, make an institution responsible for the formation of future kristo's. yes, a kristo school.

let me end with another story, this is about a proud boy who was asked by his teacher what he wants to be in the future (i hope that this is just a story) :

'when i grow up, i want to be just like my father.'

'what's your father's job?', the teacher asked.

the boy innocently answered, 'he's a kristo.'

epitaph

2009-08-12T19:09:00.003+08:00

"...loved you in life, much more in death."

this was the inscription of my grandma's (mother side) tombstone. everytime i visit her grave

the first thing i do is read her epitaph and it never fails to make me smile, of all the epitaphs available, why did they choose this? and until now i still don't know who thought of it. the inscription could mean two things, the first is quite funny, we loved you when you were alive but we love you more because you're dead or simply we're happier because you're dead and the second meaning is how we're supposed to interpret it, we love you more even in your death, we will never forget you.

yesterday i was asked to give my comments on the landscape design of Raul S. Roco's grave in preparation for his birth anniversary. i'm no landscape artist but i did have some background when i took a subject when i was in college. i didn't know that he was buried here until i saw his grave. it was gray and it was made of granite tiles. my friend, the city librarian told me that his (Roco's) death anniversary was last August 5, the same day when Cory was laid to rest, he told me that he was the only one who came to commemorate the senator's death anniversary.

i told him that you can't complain when no one's visiting you when you're dead no matter how powerful you were when you were still alive. i think it's quite humbling. when the senator was still alive, he was famous for fighting against erap's cohorts in the impeachment trial. he even ran for president twice in the 1998 and 2004 elections.

the grave cannot boast about these facts anymore all it can give is its eternal silence. the name, the date, the memory the dead person made, and the epitaph which tries to speak to the reader but doesn't make a sound at all. its silence is a reminder that we are mortals and we're all gonna go there. there's no way we can escape.

i'm beginning to think of what my epitaph would be. the late senator's epitaph was quite moving,

"I met death, and he said 'Live on!'"

I think my epitaph would probably be, "Get off my lawn!"

yellow redefined

2009-08-05T12:11:00.004+08:00

August started with a sad news. She's gone. Learning from history books, Cory Aquino was indeed an icon of democracy. She's what every poilitician should imitate. I want to focus more on how she changed the meaning of yellow. I'm not quite sure how she chose yellow as her political color/motif, I'm thinking it's from the old song 'tie a yellow ribbon'. I personally don't like yellow, it's too loud, and the meaning of the word is another reason why. 'yellow' means cowardice.
I've always thought that Cory was a cowardly woman, it made me think that women are really weak as presidents. Yellow really fits her. This impression came from a story I've heard when I was still about ten, they said Cory hid under her bed while there was a coup attempt outside the Palace, it was a 30-hour revolt. I just found out the other day that this was not true. Her ex-chief bodyguard related the story that when he tried to warn Cory, still the president that time, that there has been shooting outside; he found the president combing her hair, preparing for the media later that day. Cory filed a libel suit against the columnist and the publisher responsible for that 'hiding-under-the-bed' rumor, showing her room and proving the fact that it's not possible to hide under her bed since it had a mattress-to-carpet wooden base.

I was ten and perhaps wasn't too interested to know if the information I got was true or not. I just believed and made my own judgments on what kind of president Cory was. I even shared that story to some of my friends. pardon my ignorance. i was still ten. Now that it's clear to me that she wasn't a cowardly woman and that there are a lot of reasons to believe that she was indeed a brave soul, here, we don't have to go very far to prove this, she was a simple housewife before she became our leader or even the mother of this country. She has, getting it from what she did and how she did things all for the name of democracy, changed the meaning of 'yellow' to courage and bravery.

What did I learn from Cory? I heard a bishop say in his final commendation earlier at the funeral mass, 'thank you for teaching us how to pray'. We would all agree that Cory was indeed prayerful and at the same time vigilant of what's happening in the country. She watched, prayed, and acted. May her fight for freedom be not wasted. With her, let us continue to watch, pray, and act.

of metal talons, spurs, and kristos

2009-07-30T10:46:00.008+08:00

it was an arena of jeers and shouts almost done in unison. it sounded like a chant of about a thousand men anxious to win. it was my firsthand experience of what a cockfighting arena was, of what really happens in a cockfighting match or simply 'sabong'.i was with my uncle when i went there, he served as my 'sabong' guide. there was a registration fee/entrance fee, Php 100.00, probably for using the facility/building. at the cockfighting match proper, you get to choose between 'llamado and dehado', 'meron o wala' in the vernacular. i didn't quite get how the betting part works but how the game works was quite simple, even violent, the name of the game itself tells us what occurs in the match. two poor creatures are set to fight until their death or (seldomly) injury. by attaching spurs or metal talons on one of their feet, serving as their weapons of death. the blades were too sharp, just one strike after a clash makes the fight quite bloody. before a match begins, the bell rings, to signal the placing of bets among those who will join. and the chanting/shouting begins, 'wala!wala!wala!', 'meron!meron!meron!', 'siete dies!' siete dies!', 'dies!' 'dies!' 'dies!' making bodily gestures while shouting, the scenario is similar to what happens in the stock market. time is of the essence.ranging from a minimum amount of Php20.00 to probably about Php200.00. a match lasts for about a minute, the 'sentenciador' or referee raises the winning creature. this is also the time when bets/wagers are settled by handing/passing the money to the person involved in the wager. the transaction is quite fast, in a matter of three minutes the arena is ready for the next match. i won the first four matches, i forgot how many matches i betted in, but i didn't spend a single peso. i got to take home Php 200.00 just by choosing which creature could win for about 3 hours. i spent the money to buy 4 kilos of good rice and half a kilo of fish. what did i learn from that experience? it's quite simple, if there's an easier way or if there's a short-cut to double one's money, even if it's a gamble or a game of chance, people would try to bet. gambling is just as normal as the day.i didn't find the experience a potential addiction or a possible vice for me. another reason why i went to check the place was to see what 'kristo's' (christ's) do, sounds really biblical, but their role is to take bets, they are like middlemen/brokers in the arena. and i heard it's not difficult to become a 'kristo'. it really sounds interesting how they made the word, it's not even close to whatever the real Christ did.probably the same when it comes to the human aspect but quite far from what they do. i thought there's only one kristo in every arena, but i just found out that there a lot of them. i thought they were some sort of prophetic characters, i thought they have the answer as to which creature will win the fight. since cockfighting is a gamble, there is nothing redemptive about the 'kristo's' there. there is nothing redemptive......

(image from natgeo)

juana change

2009-07-06T22:21:00.003+08:00

Today is always the result of actions and decisions taken yesterday. Man, however, whatever his title or rank, cannot foresee the future. Yesterday's actions and decisions, no matter how courageous or wise they may have been, inevitably become today's problems, crises, and stupidities.- Peter Drucker, The Effective Executive.

yesterday's paper mentioned juana change, i thought it was some sort of gimmick written on the front page (juana change pdi article). after reading the article i went to the website and clicked on the youtube link and checked the videos. almost all the relevant issues especially political ones can be seen on the videos. most of them are funny, the way the actress and the characters portray what's really happening in the Philippines. my first reaction was to find the videos hilarious but watching them again made me realize that they are more than spoofs, they are in fact what the country is facing and is suffering from.

juana change as mentioned in the article could mean two things:

it could be read as 'wa na change'- simply dismisses the country as a hopeless case of corrupt and morally rotten people.

or the other way of saying it is 'wanna change'- the strong desire to change our old ways in achieving both economic stability and real freedom.

in addition, i think the third way of putting or reading it is 'wanna change?'. in a form of a question, and for each citizen to answer, i think everbody does want change. question now is, what are we doing to achieve that change?

here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/user/JuanaChange

expiry date

2009-06-20T22:22:00.001+08:00

i've read in the papers earlier that the world's oldest man died yesterday, a japanese, he was 113.or simply put it, a mortal with an older-than-usual age just died yesterday.next to 113 or no matter how old, we don't know exactly when, is death. unscheduled, unexpected most of the time but clearly inevitable. we do not have a definite expiry date as compared to food products like canned goods and perishable goods. we will perish without any notification like our monthly bills. and perhaps the most feared aspect of dying is that we do not how we are going to face it, it's not death itself but how we are going to die. majority or almost all would prefer a peaceful death, who wouldn't want that anyway? i share the same desire. death, as peaceful as can be.

the very thought of death, as i've observed and even experienced, drives people to be good and do good. goodness comes out everytime one realizes how short life is, how one has wasted so much time on useless and senseless things, yes, the very thought of death temporarily makes an individual resolve that he has to make use of his time wisely. it's temporary, let's not forget that man is a forgetful being. forgetting is the only thing he doesn't forget. man may be aware of this fact but he, as expected, forgets. as soon as man forgets the reality that he is mortal, he goes back to his old ways. it's a vicious circle of forgetting and realizing that this life is full of limitations.

was Rizal ambidextrous?

2009-06-06T06:25:00.005+08:00

let us give some time to reflect on freedom as we commemorate Philippine independence.

i started early today, for morning exercise, biking and jogging. i passed by Naga City Hall, it's near our place, outside the main building is a statue of Rizal with an enlarged right hand making a gesture. The hand wasn't there about ten years ago. i remember we had a good laugh at that statue way back, i was with my grandma and she noticed the unusually big hand newly installed on the right arm of the statue. it doesn't matter if he was right-handed, left-handed, or what do we know? he probably was ambidextrous. i saw paintings where Rizal is writing using his right hand. let's just assume he was right-handed. trivial as it may seem, the point here is that he wrote and by what he wrote, fought for freedom and died for it.patriotic martyrdom as we call it. the absence of his right hand is somehow symbolic, it's more of a call for every citizen to be his right hand, to continue to fight for sacred freedom.

a question arises, for more than a hundred and ten years, are we really free as a nation?

or are we merely enjoying freedom in the nominal sense?

can we gladly claim that we are experiencing actual freedom?or do we just hope for an ideal one and find it impossible since it's becoming a hopeless case as time passes? what is real freedom?

now with Rizal's enlarged right hand, he'd be slapping our faces for what we have done.

freedom is clearly not doing whatever we want or whatever we like to do. for if this is the case, this country would be suffering from chaos. it's happening though, corrupt politicians and various scandals exist. it has always been a struggle for power and different forms of abuse after attaining it. after attaining power, the person experiences unexplainable hunger for more, it's what we call greed. is there any freedom in greed? i don't think so. i remember a cabinet member, who's also an excellent economist, instructing one of his subordinates: 'moderate their greed.' this is already coming from what i believed as a man of good principles. greed or even corruption as an acceptable activity in the government. where the people's taxes go.... moderation of some politician's greed. we can't blame that economist. the one at the top knows this very well, and probably tolerates greed in moderation. 'Do everything in moderation', as Aristotle would put it, but clearly, not greed. Greed is in itself something you cannot moderate for the fact that it is greed! Wanting more when one already has enough. But then again, let's not just focus on the government, let's look at individuals, ourselves, and how we apply our shallow understanding of freedom, it's as simple as throwing our trash anywhere we want to. i saw this a lot of times. indolence and making reasons why people can't land a good job. anyway, 'it's the government's fault' is a very handy answer.

'freedom is not doing what we want but what we ought to do.' i believe this is from the late Pope John Paul II. since people/citizens makes a country, we have to work from the individual perspective. if each individual has a clear understanding that the price of freedom is indeed responsibility, we won't have to point our fingers on who's fault is it. it's ours anyway, it was collectively done. this country wouldn't be like this if we didn't permit it to be so.

for us to truly attain freedom, we have to have an awareness of what it really is and what it entails. and it just doesn't stop with awareness, we also have to act.

a 30-minute entry

2009-05-31T10:07:00.002+08:00

this month would not end without writing another entry. i decided to give the activity about 30 mins. and work with the randomness of human thought. i have nothing much to do today, perhaps read, the family business just closed yesterday...for good, yes, i really think it's for common good, summum bonum for Aristotle. i felt sick last night for taking a lot of my favorite beer and also a lot of food. now, what's my next plan? i'm thinking about the academe, probably teach part-time, i can't work full-time with a boss babbling everytime one commits a mistake.

i've been reading the papers lately, main events include a sex scandal and a deadly disease spreading in the country. this has perhaps become a country of disease, literally and figuratively.

is there any cure to these? the politicians are doing all they can to get a big share of popularity from these events.

i have probably reached, just like any other citizen, point of indifference. i know what's happening but what's new?i've grown cynical, whether one does something good or not, it's always distrust for them. save some of my known good friends. ah, we have to make exceptions to balance things. isn't it a clear case of hypocrisy? probably, but it isn't a great case. we all have peter's and judas' inside us.

finally, i'm thinking about voting on next year's elections, another exception. indifference or active awareness and responsiblity tells me that i may need to vote even if the elites choose to play with our sacred ballots or so we think it is. i say it's not just the government's role to change the face of the country but every citizen involved. so much for clean ideals. 30 minutes has elapsed. short passing of time and my random thoughts.

moth of time

2009-05-09T09:07:00.007+08:00

I was checking our shelves for some books two days ago and found this. It's a book entitled, 'A Stone, A Leaf, A Door', a collection of poems by Thomas Wolfe. I tried browsing the book and found a long poem, it consumed eleven pages of the book. Here it is:

This Is Man

by Thomas Wolfe

For what is man?

First, a child, soft-boned,

Unable to support itself on its rubbery legs,

Befouled with its excrement,

That howls and laughs by turns,

Cries for the moon

But hushes when it gets it's mother's teat ;

A sleeper, eater, guzzler,

Howler, laugher, idiot,

And a chewer of its toe;

A little tender thing

All blubbered with its spit,

A reacher into fires,

A beloved fool.

After that, a boy,

Hoarse and loud before his companions,

But afraid of the dark;

Will beat the weaker and avoid the stronger;

Worships strength and savagery,

Loves tales of war and murder, and violence done to

others;

Joins gangs and hates to be alone;

Makes heroes out of soldiers, sailors,

Prize-fighters, football players,

Cowboys, gunmen, and detectives;

Would rather die than not out-try

And out-dare his companions,

Wants to beat them and always to win,

Shows his muscle

And demands that it be felt,

Boasts of his victories

And will never own defeat.

Then the youth:

Goes after girls, is foul behind their backs

Among the drugstore boys,

Hints at a hundred seductions,

But gets pimples on his face;

Begins to think about his clothes,

Becomes a fop, greases his hair,

Smokes cigarettes with a dissipated air,

Reads novels, and writes poetry on the sly.

He sees the world now

As a pair of legs and breasts;

He knows hate, love, and jealousy;

He is cowardly and foolish,

He cannot endure to be alone;

He lives in a crowd, thinks with the crowd,

Is afraid to be marked off from his fellows

By an eccentricity.

He joins clubs and is afraid of ridicule;

He is bored and unhappy

And wretched most of the time.

There is a great cavity in him,

He is dull.

Then the man:

He is busy,

He is full of plans and reasons,

He has work.

He gets children,

Buys and sells small packets of everlasting earth,

Intrigues against his rivals,

Is exultant when he chaets them.

He wastes his little three-score years and ten

In spendthrift and inglorious living;

From his cradle to his grave

He scarcely sees

The sun or moon or stars;

He is unconscious of the immortal sea and earth;

He talks of the future

And he wastes it as it comes.

If he is lucky, he saves money.

At the end, his fat purse buys him flunkeys

To carry him where his shanks no longer can;

He consumes rich food and golden wine

That his wretched stomach has no hunger for;

His weary and lifeless eyes

Look out upon the scenery of strange lands

For which in youth his heart was painting.

Then the slow death,

Prolonged by costly doctors;

And finally the graduate undertakers,

The perfumed carrion,

The suave ushers with palms outspread to leftwards,

The fast motor-hearses,

And the earth again.

This is man:

A writer of books, a putter-down of words,

A painter of pictures,

A maker of ten thousand philosophies,

He grows passionate over ideas,

He hurls scorn and mockery at another's work,

He finds the one way, the true way, for himself,

And calls all others false-

Yet in the billion books upon the shelves

There is not one that can tell him

How to draw a single fleeting breath

In peace and comfort.

He makes histories of the universe,

He directs the destiny of nations,

But he does not know his own history,

And he cannot direct his own destiny

With dignity or wisdom

For ten consecutive minutes.

This is man:

For the most part

A foul, wretched, abominable creature,

A packet of decay,

A bundle of degenerating tissues,

A creature that gets old and hairless

And has a foul breath,

A hater of his kind,

A cheater, a scorner,

A mocker, a reviler,

A thing that kills and murders in a mob

Or in the dark,

Loud and full of brag surrounded by his fellows,

But without the courage of a rat, alone.

He will cringe for a coin,

And show his snarling fangs behind the giver's back;

He will cheat for two sous,

And kill for forty dollars,

And weep copiously in court

To keep another scoundrel out of jail.

This is man,

Who will steal his friend's woman,

Feel the leg of his host's wife below the table-cloth,

Dump fortunes on his whores,

Bow down in worship before charlatans,

And let his poets die.

This is man,

Who swears who will live only

For beauty, for art, for the spirit,

But will live only

For fashion,

And will change his faith and his convictions

As soon as fashion changes.

This is man,

The great warrior with a flaccid gut,

The great romantic with the barren loins,

The eternal knave devouring the eternal fool,

The most glorious of all the animals,

Who uses his brain for the most part

To make himself a stench

In the nostrils of the Bull, the Fox,

The Dog, the Tiger, and the Goat.

Yes, this is man,

And it is impossible to say the worst of him,

For the record of his obscene existence,

His baseness, lust, cruelty, and treachery,

Is illimitable.

His life is also full of toil, tumult, and suffering.

His days are mainly composed

Of a million idiot repetitions-

In goings and comings along hot streets,

In sweatings and freezings,

In the senseless accumulation of fruitless tasks,

In decaying and being patched,

In grinding out his life

So that he may buy bad food,

In eating bad food

So that he may grind his life out

In destressful defecations.

He is the dweller on that ruined tenement

Who, from one moment's breathing to another,

Can hardly forget the bitter weight of his uneasy flesh,

The thousand diseases and distresses of his body,

The growing incubus of his corruption.

This is man,

Who, if he can remember ten golden moments of joy

and happiness

Out of all his years,

Ten moments unmarked by care,

Unseamed by aches or itches,

Has power to lift himself with his expiring breath,

And say: "I have lived upon this earth

And known glory!"

This is man,

And one wonders why he wants to live at all.

A third of his life is lost and deadened under sleep;

Another third is given to a sterile labor;

A sixth is spent in all his goings and his comings;

In the moil and shuffle of the streets,

In thrusting, shoving, pawing.

How much for him is left, then,

For a vision of the tragic stars?

How much of him is left

To look upon the everlasting earth?

How much of him is left for glory

And the making of great songs?

A few snatched moments only

From the barren glut and suck of living.

Here, then, is man,

This moth of time,

This dupe of brevity and numbered hours,

This travesty of waste and sterile breath.

Yet if the gods could come here

To a desolate, deserted earth

Where only the ruin of man's cities remained,

Where only a few marks and carvings of his hand

Were legible upon his broken tablets,

Where only a wheel lay rusting in the desert sand,

A cry would burst out of their hearts

And they would say:

"He lived, and he was here!"

Behold his works:

He needed speech to ask for bread-and he had Christ!

He needed songs to sing in battle-and he had Homer!

He needed words to curse his enemies-

And he had Dante, he had Voltaire, he had Swift!

He needed cloth to cover up his hairless, puny flesh

against the seasons-

And he wove the robes of Solomon,

He made the garments of great kings,

He made the samite for the young knights!

He needed walls and a roof to shelter him-

And he made Blois!

He needed a temple to propitiate his God-

And he made Chartres and Fountains Abbey!

He was born to creep upon the earth-

And he made great wheels,

He sent great engines thundering down the rails,

He launched great wings into the air,

He put great ship upon the angry sea!

Plagues wasted him,

And cruel wars destroyed his sons,

Bbut fire, flood, and famine could not quench him.

No, nor the inexorable grave-

His sons leaped shouting from his dying loins.

The shaggy bison with his thews of thunder

Died upon the plains;

The fabled mammoths of the unrecorded ages

Are vast scaffoldings of dry insensate loam;

The panthers have learned caution

And move carefully among tall grasses to the water-

hole;

And man lives on

Amid the senseless nihilism of the universe.

For there is one belief, one faith,

That is man's glory, his triumph, his immortality-

And that is his belief in life.

Man loves life,

And loving life, hates death,

And because of this he is great, he is glorious,

He is beautiful, and his beauty is everlasting.

He lives below the senseless stars

And writes his meanings in them.

He lives in fear, in toil,

In agony, and in unending tumult,

But if the blood foamed bubbling from his wounded

lungs

At every breath he drew,

He would still love life more dearly

Than an end of breathing.

Dying, his eyes burn beautifully,

And the old hunger shines more fiercely in them-

He has endured all the hard and purposeless suffering,

And still he wants to live.

Thus it is impossible to scorn this creature.

For out of his strong belief in life,

This puny man made love.

At his best,

He is love.

Without him

There can be no love,

No hunger, no desire.

So this is man-the worst and best of him-

This frail and petty thing

Who lives his day

And dies like all other animals,

And is forgotten.

And yet, he is immortal, too.

For both the good and evil that he does

Live after him.

Why, then, should any living man

Ally himself with death,

And, in his greed and blindness,

Batten on his brother's blood?

When I read the whole poem, it wasn't difficult to understand unlike poems made by other poets like Shakespeare, Cummings or Frost. It sounded more like a reflection in verse form, the way it was written gives value to every word. Words tend to be heavy basing it from the structure of the stanzas...every line gives a strong emotion. The part where the poet said that man is just a 'moth of time' but that 'he is great, he is glorious' really struck me. This is similar to what Pascal said that 'man is a reed...but he is a thinking reed.' Clearly paradoxical, puny but great, weak but strong, almost saying that man is himself a paradox. The poem sounds existentialist, the center of meaning is in man's very existence. If Descartes said 'Cogito ergo sum.' (I think therefore I am.)

An existentialist like Unamuno would say 'Sum ergo cogito.'(I am therefore I think.)

World Digital Library

2009-04-07T10:34:00.004+08:00

Here's something booklovers could look forward to.

The World Digital Library will launch on 21 April 2oo9.

The website will provide free access to rare books, maps, photographs, rare recordings, musical scores and films from cultures around the world.

http://www.worlddigitallibrary.org

It's an ongoing project of UNESCO and US Library of Congress

profound

2009-03-31T08:17:00.002+08:00

The only thing that consoles us for our miseries is diversion. And yet it is the greatest of our miseries. For it is that above all which prevents us thinking about ourselves and leads us imperceptibly to destruction. But for that we should be bored, and boredom would drive us to seek some more solid means of escape, but diversion passes our time and brings us imperceptibly to our death.

- Pensees no. 414, Blaise Pascal

We say a statement (and the person who said it) is profound when we find it deep, almost inconceivable. We tend to see the limitation of our thoughts as compared to the person who said that profound statement. Silence is the only ready answer we'd choose. Silence, as they say, could only mean two things after a profound statement; it's either one really understands what has been said and opts to ponder on it in silence or one, this is the case most of the time, did not understand what has been said and would rather not show ignorance.

As for the profound person or just those who sound profound, we have two ways of proving or two ways to validate if they really are. First is that they know the difference between 'knowing' and 'believing'. Mere knowledge of something is quite easy, it's as simple as knowing an information after reading a book. Knowing how to say them may make a little difference, as to show that he is an intelligent person, that he is capable of saying 'profound' things. Believing is quite far from knowing, it's when after reading a book, the person looks for more out of thirst and hunger for wisdom and tries to apply what he has read out of deep understanding. Believing is knowing and having a deep understanding of what the person knows.

The second way to see if a person is really profound is when the profound statement is a product of what he practices, of how he lives his life. Being profound is beyond mere words, people as rational beings would look for those words in the person's action and character. Being profound is more than just speaking wise words or expressing deep thoughts, it is when we act out of wisdom and when we practice the different virtues to mould character.

Let us be not like the pharisees, do what they say but don't imitate what they do.

order

2009-03-23T10:05:00.005+08:00

Take care of order and order will take care of you. - St. Augustine

it is high time to reorganize how i run things, looking at how i've spent my days in laxity here in the province. i'm losing focus. my priorities are all cluttered, not knowing which is to be given much importance. i thought it would be much easier in the absence of a corporate boss, but the burden is heavier than before.all i have now is myself to drag to work. sure, i have my goals, but how to put them in the right place is, as i see it, a very difficult thing to do.
when i reflect, i read what i find relevant to the current topic. the readings serve as a guide to widen my considerations regarding the matter.for this i've read joseph l. soria's booklet entitled 'order'. here's an excerpt from the reading which i found really helpful:

"Let's look at two rather frequent attitudes towards the availability and use of time:
a) that of thinking we don't have enough time to do all that we have to do, and
b) that of thinking we have more than enough time.
The first arises when we do have a good appreciation of time, but don't know how to use it in an orderly way. The second is when--because of a different kind of disorder, or idleness -- we forget that time is a gift and that it is a limited good.

I don't have enough time

Many if not most cases of lack of time are really lacks of order: either we don't know how to organize ourselves well, or we are trying to do more things than we can and should do, and this is also a disorder. If we don't have enough time, it may be that we are not attacking our jobs in the order of their importance, or that the same kind of disorder is leading us to use more time than is necessary.

Do I have more time than I need?

Unfortunately, our most common mistake is to forget that time is limited and to fail to properly evaluate the quantity and quality of things that we have to do in this space of time...if time were only gold, you could perhaps afford to squander it. But time is life, and you don't know how much you have left.
A hardworking person makes good use of time , for time is not only money, it is glory! He does as he ought and concentrates on what he is doing, not out of routine nor to while away the passing hours, but as the result of attentive and pondered reflection. This is what makes man diligent.
Our everyday usage of this word 'diligent' already gives us some idea of its Latin origin. 'Diligent' comes from the verb 'diligere', which means to love, to appreciate, to choose something after careful consideration and attention. The diligent man does not rush into things. He does his work thoughtfully and lovingly.

Conclusion

We shouldn't feel discouraged, if at some moment -- perhaps after reading these pages-- we become especially conscious of the disorder in our lives. Little by little, with patience and discipline, we can set about acquiring the habits that provide the framework of order that we need."

calaguas getaway

2009-03-17T10:54:00.012+08:00

14 March 2009

0540- left naga city, rode an ordinary bus going to daet. Php 94.00.

0800-arrived at daet diversion road, trike to jeepney terminal. Php 7.00

0810- rode jeepney to vinzons.Php 8.00

0820-vinzons.trike going to 'pier'. met the team.Php 7.00

0830-sabang.picked-up ice box for seafood bought earlier at vinzons pier.this is where james 23 (ramon's the real name) joined, along with edwin. they were our 'guides'.

0900-trip to calaguas. 2 hours. big waves. blue water.they started the motor/engine, not knowing that it would be one wild ride.i only realized the trouble i was in when our puny banca fought with the big waves. it wasn't an easy ride. Php 375.00/person

1100-arrived at mahabang buhangin (long beach), calaguas group of islands. it was pure awe for me while the banca was approaching the island. pristine is the right word to describe the place. there is still such a place, i've read they're planning to develop the place to another boracay. after the wild ride...there was paradise...waiting...it was just the sound of the engine, the waves, and the island's silence. 'the grandeur of God's works' as my aunt said in her comment when she saw the photos.

1100-1430- prepared lunch. ate lunch.grilled pork chops. grilled tuna. tomato soup. played twister. conversations. siesta. six of us went there. a bunch of first-timers in the place.to spend some quality time even for a finite period.it was my best friend (pompo) who invited me as he was fond of such activities, he was with his team, a mountaineering group. i saw how organized they were. it was like a team building event, one is given a role, participate and be effective at it. i was more of spectator,come supper i was a cook.i brought a can of cranberry and a can of mushrooms just to add to what they bought. cranberry's a bit weird. they made fun of it. i also found it a bit unusual, but we made a good dessert out of it during supper.renz opened a bottle of cuatro cantos (gin) and mixed half of it with powdered juice, added some water and we started to drink it using a shot glass, joyce and summer joined as well. while j and pompo didn't.

1430-went to the source of spring water. about one kilometer or more away from the camping site. the water tasted clean. it was refreshing after a long walk.

1500-conversations.merienda. the other half of cuatro cantos was consumed as well.

1600-went to the coastal community (james 23, pompo, renz and i), barrio mangkawayan to look for some fish and alcohol. it's a 3 kilometer walk from the shore. met mang renato, an official(one of the councilors) along the way and he served as our guide. he showed us the place and discussed briefly the livelihood of the community. they mainly get their livelihood from fishing and selling other seafood like octopus, abalone, and sea cucumber.we bought a 4-kilo tanigue (narrow barred spanish mackerel).about a quarter was used to make kilawin (similar to ceviche). the the other quarter was grilled. half of the fish (head

part) was eaten for breakfast, the head was grilled and the rest was used for fish steak.mang renato told us that lambanog (coconut wine/gin) is great in the place. we bought six servings (one serving = a bilog bottle of gin= Php 14.50).

from what i have observed, the people there are living frugal lives. they earn little income but they are happy with it. they are happy when tourists come. i saw the children play.they always smile everytime we'd get photos of them.

1745-2100- we weren't able to see the sunset. i was more excited with the food. fresh fish for only Php 450.00, a good buy. james 23 started preparing the kilawin while i was giving him instructions; renz cooked rice also helped j set-up the tent; j, summer, and joyce set-up their tents; pompo grilled the other tuna, a quarter of the tanigue and marinated liempo (i cooked oyster and mushrooms in soy sauce added some ginger, garlic, and onion.made banana and cranberry (j's idea) for dessert. we ate dinner on the rectangular lid of the ice box, we placed the viand at the sides and rice at the center of the lid. we ate with our hands (kamayan). food was great! it was a feast. we left some kilawin for pulutan (appetizer). after supper, we went to the spring water to get some and for them to bathe.

2100- a little late and tired for our socials. bonfire was lit. we leaned on a big trunk of a weathered tree, the night was cold and windy. we started drinking lambanog, cracked some jokes, light conversations, recollection of past treks. here, i got to know more about my new friends/acquaintances. j's 'tisop', joyce's 'paraisong hubad' (naked paradise), summer's wedding ring apparition in galera; renz's 'puto-makers in calasiao, pag nasa pilipinas sila (when they're in the philippines)'; pompo's 'techniques' and corny jokes; and my flying 'face towel'. a rainshower ended our socials at around 12 midnight. we only consumed half of the lambanog (it didn't taste good, they probably added some adulterants, most possibly water).

15 March 2009

0130- i woke up and heard renz, joyce, and summer talking about a stolen amount of money. i was too sleepy to rise and just went back to sleep.

0600-woke up. talked about the incident. the thief/thieves stole Php 3,000.00 and all the food we brought except tanigue, rice, and the left-over dessert. it was joyce's money.

0630- morning walk.reflection time. a community would always have those kind of people.co-existence of good and evil. later, the chief tanod (barangay police) would tell us that it serves as a lesson for us tourists. i asked them, why us? but he has a point. we were a bit lax with the locals. they told us it was the first time an incident like that happened. i soon found out that it wasn't when we arrived at sabang. one of the women there told me, the thief usually steals food not money.

0700-0900- went to the barrio to report the incident and buy some bread. people listened as i narrated what happened, they all denied that the thief is from their place. told me people from their place wouldn't do such a thing. the councilor we met was there, the chief and assistant chief tanod were there. they joined when we walked back to the site,they talked to james 23, it was him who saw the thief, he said the thief was wearing white shirt and escaped going to the direction of the barrio. james 23 didn't run after the thief, he called edwin instead.

0900-0945- cooked brunch. grilled tanigue head and fish steak.

0945-1000-swam on the beach. strong waves. cold water.

1000-1045-went to the spring water area and took a bath. got some drinking water as well.

1045- because of the strong waves, the banca can't reach the shore so we had to swim against the big waves. the banca was about 50 meters from the shore. had one painful cramps on my left calf, while i swam towards the banca.

1045-1300- trip to vinzons. Php 375.00. it was a dangerous trip as our banca almost collapsed because of the big waves. i doubt if i'd still go back to that place. but i did enjoy the whole trip. it wasn't easy. it was both the voyage and the destination that mattered. the voyage made us more appreciative of the destination. a well-deserved prize in the absence of a race.

1300-1330-trip to daet. trike and jeepney.Php15.00

1330-1430-lunch at a chinese resto. rice toppings, they ordered halo-halo. i had two bottles of cold cerveza. i think it was the best way to end the trip.

paralysis

2009-02-27T13:28:00.003+08:00

yesterday, around one p.m., i went to the city plaza to read the day's paper and answer the

crossword puzzle. while i was looking for the comics and puzzle section an old lame man approached me and asked, 'what's the headline?'. i looked for the front page and showed it to him, he murmured something and sat beside me. he started a conversation, 'who do you think will be the next president?', i just replied who the possible contenders are on the 2010 elections. he made some comments about the picture on the front page, it was yesterday's edsa anniversary.

the next question, which really struck me and which kept me thinking even after that conversation, was 'what would you do with your life if you were paralyzed like me?'. i didn't give an immediate answer, it was both the feeling of pity and surprise for me. i asked, 'how long have you been paralyzed?'.

he had been like that for 8 years, and from what i saw he didn't seem to care about his physical infirmity. i told him, 'i would read a lot of books and write until my time comes, in that sense i would have not wasted my time waiting for death.'

'wouldn't you feel bad at all? do you think God is responsible for our suffering?'

'i would feel bad. but do you not think that man's suffering is mainly the consequence of what he

has done in the past? i don't see any reason why man should blame God for all his suffering.'

the conversation lasted for about an hour. it was spontaneous, sarcastic and profound. witty, i would say. he was somehow amused and skeptical why i know such things at my age.

...tempus tantum nostrum est

2009-01-25T23:53:00.010+08:00

'Omnia aliena sunt tempus tantum nostrum est.'

'Nothing is ours except our time.'

- Seneca, Epistulae Morales Liber 1.1, Lucilio suo salutem.

I'm currently reading Peter Drucker's 'The Effective Executive'.

The author sounds like a greek philosopher of management in this book. The book isn't just for executives or for people at the top, it's for people who make decisions in the normal course of their work but have substantial effect on the performance of the whole organization.

Chapter 2 of the book discusses the importance of time management. Here's something worth reflecting on:

'Time is also a unique resource. Of the other major resources, money is actually quite plentiful.

We long ago should have learned that it is the demand for capital, rather than the supply thereof, which sets the limit to economic growth and activity. People-- the third limiting resource-- one can hire, though one can rarely hire enough good people. But one cannot rent, hire, buy or otherwise obtain more time.

The supply of time is totally inelastic. No matter how high the demand, the supply will not go up. There is no price for it and no marginal utility curve for it. Moreover, time is totally perishable and cannot be stored. Yesterday's time is gone for ever and will never come back. Time is, therefore, always in exceedingly short supply.

Time is totally irreplaceable. Within limits we can substitute one resource for another, copper for aluminum, for instance. We can substitute capital for human labour. We can use more knowledge or more brawn. But there is no substitute for time.'

Please excuse some economic jargons, but the paragraphs above have been clear enough to establish the great value of time, the fact that it is a limiting factor, that it is perishable, and that it is irreplaceable.

One good question to ponder on: How do we spend time?

The time we have isn't different from what other people have, still limiting, still perishable and irreplaceable. The difference lies in how people spend it.

caecus

2009-01-18T22:01:00.003+08:00

I watched the film entitled "Into great silence", at the last part, it was an old blind monk

reflecting on how he has lived his life in faith. This just clearly supports the thought that physical sight or the ability to see is not an assurance of faith. Here's what the old monk said:

"No.Why be afraid of death?

It is the fate of all humans.

The closer one brings oneself to God,

the happier one is.

It is the end of our lives.

The closer one brings oneself to God,

the happier one is.

The faster one hurries to meet him.

One should have no fear of death.

On the contrary!

For us, it is a great joy

to find a father once again.

The past, the present,

these are human.

In God there is no past.

Solely the present prevails.

And when God sees us,

He always sees our entire life.

And because...He is an infinitely good being...

He eternally seeks our well-being

Therefore, there is no cause for worry

in any of the things which happen to us

I often thank God

that he let me be blinded.

I am sure that he let this happen for the good of

my soul.

It is a pity that the world has lost all

sense of God.

It is a pity...

They have no reason to live anymore.

When you abolish the thought of God,

why should you go on living on this earth?

One must always part from the principle

that God is infinitely good,

and that all of his actions are in our best interest.

Because of this a Christian should always be happy,

never unhappy.

Because everything that happens is God's will,

and it only happens for the well-being of our soul.

Well, this is the most important.

God is infinitely good, almighty,

and he help us.

This is all one must do, and then one is happy."

Profound. When I watched the blind monk speak it was as if he has seen everything or it

was as if he has seen God. In the spiritual sense it's not impossible. It's easy to remember what was said before, 'they have eyes, but do not see. ears, but do not hear.'

of fruits and resolutions

2009-01-02T13:59:00.006+08:00

they have to light some firecrackers to drive away the bad spirits. loud bangs can't do that for spirits do not have ears and would even be celebrating.

vexations to the human soul. i don't know why people would spend several pesos for some noise even if there's crisis. who knows where the bad spirits go or what they do after those bangs?it's probably business as usual for them.

people know that january is going to be lean after spending much, but people are ready to suffer just to celebrate the holidays. what could be noisier than pockets almost empty because of too much spending?

some round fruits for luck, for a prosperous year. i don't know how round fruits could make the year prosperous, i've never really seen how this works. but if it does, we would have been prosperous.all of the families who always do this out of tradition would have also been prosperous.we do this almost every year.same old round fruits.but we always arrive at the same outcome.we say that the year has been fair. gained some and lost some.

superficial, that's how we have been celebrating these events.we focus on the manner not the heart of the matter.

is it not clear that the matter or even the reason for these events is more than what we've been doing all along?

felix culpa

2008-12-25T21:01:00.002+08:00

happy fault.if man did not fall he would have not experienced what redemption means.

if it wasn't for that fault we wouldn't be here celebrating something important as Christmas.

here is something from thomas merton, a trappist monk:

'why can we not be content with the secret of happiness that God offers us, without consulting

the rest of the world? why do we insist, rather, on a happiness that is approved by the magazines and TV? perhaps because we do not believe in a happiness that is given to us for nothing. we do not think we can be happy with a happiness that has no price tag on it.'

most people would claim or even believe that everything here has a certain value, a certain price.but the most important thing, this is what they do not see, is that the most valuable thing in this world is free. this is the very reason why it's called a gift.

on becoming a philosopher-bum

2008-12-18T16:07:00.007+08:00

a bum who devotes much of his time reflecting about life and enjoys talking about it, because he derives a certain degree of joy from these activities, could possibly be a philosopher. it is wrong to dismiss bums as people who do not make much sense because they do not work.

a philosopher who is unemployed and chooses to remain so since he hates labor and never really cares much about his future could possibly be a bum.

we have come to a point where we could say that, philosophers could be bums and bums, philosophers.

if we go futher, we will arrive with the concept of a philosopher-bum.

a philosopher-bum is a person who would prefer thinking or reflecting rather than working.

or if they have to work, it should also be a source of 'pleasure'. something very close to what they enjoy doing without exerting strenuous effort, say writing or reading. the main argument is that life does not have to be tiring and that one has the choice to do what he's always wanted to do. or if a certain work is tiring, the person wouldn't think much about that aspect, because that particular work is something he enjoys doing.

at this point, it should be clear that philosopher-bums are thinking bums, they only appear to be doing nothing but what we cannot see is that they make great sense out of life than those who give much focus on work. a philosopher-bum is far from an ordinary bum who would rather vegetate (i.e., eat, sleep, and die.)

man lives to work and works to live, but life isn't all about work. man tends to over-exaggerate things.

i believe in the value of work, how it makes life worth living and how it makes sense. man could only be wrong if he starts treating work as an end. that life is all about work and what he earns from it.

today, everyone is expected to be 'doing' something. for us to use time wisely, we have to 'do' something. doing 'nothing' is a great waste of time. we say, one is maximizing his time when he is capable of accomplishing a lot of things in only a matter of a few hours, when one is spending his time wisely if he is occupied most of his waking hours doing something which could make him earn.

thinking, as it is seen today, is almost as good as doing 'nothing', for with it a person is unable to accomplish something tangible. ideas are only useful when they are actualized. i am not saying that it's good to be a bum, the main point is, there are good lessons in a bum's life which workaholics could get from. we all need to be philosophizing-bums sometimes.

it's when we give time to think about the real purpose of life. where it is now and where it is going to.

read

2008-09-05T23:21:00.002+08:00

what makes reading different from any other activity?it makes one think. thinking at its peak.(note: the reading material should be mentally stimulating. not all books make people think.) when we say thinking, it means not just accepting facts as they come. if we look at the present scenario, it's all about tv and internet. instant information. what one sees, one accepts without thinking much. reading teaches an individual to ask questions. the right questions. this has become a generation of 'wiki brains'. making us far from intelligence. i remember an instructor relating his experience when he taught at a certain university. he gave his students a research project. about 90% submitted 'copy and paste' paper, complete with the links and ads on each page. what did the students learn? sometimes so much convenience could make learning difficult. there's a big difference between being intelligent and being an intellectual. intelligence is something innate. it doesn't stop with facts. it is more than acquiring knowledge. wiki does a lot of help though, but intelligence does not stop with it, it goes further. intelligence could sometimes be equated with wisdom itself.intellectual people know the answers, but they delve more on trivial matters, information which wouldn't really matter if we knew them or not. they appear to be wise because they know something. but talk about depth and they would not know what to say. these trivial information just eat up our memory storage. mental trash as we call it. reading should rather make us want more. it should make us realize that there is something more than these facts and figures. it deepens knowledge and gradually leads the individual to wisdom. reading should help us become intelligent.when we stop reading, we are choosing the road to mental stagnation. here is something which could help us improve and appreciate reading. something which could make us avoid mental stagnation.

MIBF 2008: WORDS WITHOUT BORDERS

ennui ii

2008-09-04T18:08:00.002+08:00

it takes a good friend to tell you that your eyes has become like that of a dead fish.
enthusiasm lost. the will to live is slowly dying.
when day to day living is seen as a burden. waking up means another day of suffering.
routine and the inability to get something new out of the old.boredom.
the eyes of a dead fish is just dark. it doesn't glisten anymore. it simply lack the signs of life. simply dead.
a dead fish in the market. before seeing it there, must have enjoyed swimming in the sea before it was caught and before it slowly died in the absence of water. but it did its purpose. simply swam, ate and even reproduced. lived the life of a fish. did the fish know what its purpose was?
can this also happen to human beings? is this also possible with the way we live? eat, sleep and procreate. yes. probably in the absence of our thinking brains. in the absence of our rational minds. maybe if we didn't have any notion of what boredom is and what it is all about, we wouldn't be suffering this much.
the dead fish didn't have reason, this also applies to live ones. it did not have the mind to tell us that it was as bored as man. or that it wasn't enjoying life.
logically a lower being. maybe.
'maybe' is a thought. an answer to an inquiry of uncertainty. the mind is driven by 'maybes'or 'maybe ifs', if not the two, it would be the great 'what if'.
signs of anxiety.
and this life, as pascal would say it, is full of boredom, inconstancy and anxiety. how can we be happy if we are bound by these three states?
how can one be happy if one finds himself waking up at 3am and makes a dialogue with death? difficult. the person is not sick, he is just asking death. the mind finds death as something senseless, but causes so much anxiety.
diversion is continuously evolving. escapism has become an essential part of existence .can we not see that time is fleeting? everything, temporary. man tends to cling on something or on someone, and it's all because he clings to himself. not wanting to see the real reality. diversion ultimately makes man's life miserable.
i cannot stay in just one place. it is like the randomness of man's thoughts, doesn't follow a certain pattern or order. just goes where it wants to go. just free to wander.
the problem i see here is we tend to savor pain and choose to wallow in it even when we have the choice to be simply happy. and we never get tired, or should i say get bored of boredom itself. we paradoxically enjoy it's company. pascal must be right when he said 'all man's miseries derive from not being able to sit still in a room'. the question now is, who makes life complicated? who causes so much anxiety? sit still in a room. alone. and you'll see that it's mainly the self clinging to the false self.

wisdom

2008-08-27T18:11:00.005+08:00

"The only thing I know is that I know nothing."

- Socrates

it is true that wisdom starts with humility.
one must be humble enough to accept the fact
that he doesn't know all and that his knowledge is limited.
you can never fill a vessel which is already full.
it takes great wisdom to know how to listen and know when to talk.
people who are already full of themselves can never be wise
unless they realize that it's time to empty the cup.

on receiving

2008-07-15T18:18:00.003+08:00

do not forget to give. give until it hurts. but do not give all. leave something for yourself. this may sound selfish, but it should be clear to us that we cannot give what we do not have or if we do not have anything. i'm not just referring to material things, i'm also talking about intangible things like time, attention, love, etc. giving selflessly is the highest form of this act and this is something we all have to learn. giving selflessly is only possible when the act is done out of love.
it should be clear to us that things just doesn't end with giving. we also have to know how to receive. life is full of needs. sometimes we get what we need and sometimes we don't. not getting what we need is a cause of suffering, a situation we do not like. needing is a sign of our humanity, that we were not created to live alone. the same goes with suffering, we have to accept the fact that this is not an easy life.
receiving should come with a deep sense of gratitude...it should come with thankfulness. one can only be happy when one knows how to be truly thankful. yes, there's so much to be thankful for. they are not just the good things that happen to our lives but also the pains and hardships. from them we draw our sense of maturity, from them we learn how to trust Him more.

thoughts on giving

2008-07-14T18:30:00.002+08:00

it was a thursday morning, riding the bus for work, the woman beside me pulled out the day's paper from her bag tried to look for a certain page. while she was doing this, the sports section fell.she then picked it up (she might have noticed i was staring at her) and gave that section to me and said, 'it's yours, i don't read sports'. i gave her a morning's smile. but i also don't read sports. i didn't want to show any sign of rejection. i forced myself to read sports. but it saved me almost an hour's worth of boredom.i thanked the woman before she went off the bus.
i don't intend to speak ill of the woman. what happened that morning made me ask myself, do i also know how to give? if i do, what do i usually give? and why do i give? this reflection reminds me of a priest saying in his homily, 'giving has to hurt for it to be really giving'. those words struck me. it somehow changed how and why i give. before, it was all about the things i would get in return after giving. looking at it, expecting something in return alters the real meaning of the act. it becomes trading. 'give me that before i give you this' or 'i'll give you this but you also have to give that to me'. this was how it worked. it was like investing on something and 'gaining' profit from it. it didn't do good at all. i always ended up being disappointed for not getting what i expected.
it takes time to learn how to truly give. giving without thinking about the benefits. without thinking about ourselves. giving until it hurts.

in the absence of internet

2008-07-12T19:52:00.002+08:00

our inflation rate is 11.4%, the highest since May 1994 and it's something we can experience everyday. soaring prices of commodities and weakening purchasing power. prices dictate how and what we buy. knowing the difference between what is a necessity and what is luxury could help. i do not want to discuss this matter further as we may just end up claiming that we are becoming poor and that money could redeem us.
you may have noticed that it has been more than a month since i posted an entry. the reason for this is that i do not have access to the internet. the negative effect of resigning from a company which provides laptop you can bring home and use for other purposes aside from work. before i gave the laptop back, i was really worried how it could affect my life. life in the absence of internet could be tormenting, but it isn't. the only difference is i'm beginning to write again, literally speaking, i.e. using pen and paper. a 'downgrade' as my aunt said. my reflections are again written on paper. and i would post some here if i get the chance to have access.
i got a new job and i'm still adjusting to the new environment. to date i have had 4 jobs. starting as an agricultural technician or more of a farmer in nueva ecija, a call center agent, an english teacher for koreans, a consultant, and now an analyst. i don't know what's next. it has been a very good adventure. i sound like i'm going to die. who knows when anyway?
last sunday my best friend and i attended mass in diliman, it was our first time there. the priest was full of enthusiasm, it was as if it was his last mass, he's probably in his thirties. giving all the energy and life. and that convinced me. when he gave his homily, it was not to convince the people but to appear as a witness. i wish i could also have that enthusiasm. may we have the eyes and ears to see how each day is different from the other and that there is no reason as to why we should be bored. even boredom brings something new if we try to reflect about it.

time

2008-05-04T12:13:00.005+08:00

“The present is never our goal: the past and present are our means: the future alone is our goal. Thus, we never live but we hope to live; and always hoping to be happy, it is inevitable that we will never be so.”
-Blaise Pascal

We only have here and now. We only have the present. The past is something we do not have anymore and the future is something we do not have yet. I have observed that an individual would either cling to his/her past or dwell in his/her future, it's quite rare meeting people who live their lives in the present. I know it's difficult to live in the present, it often brings boredom and truth which we always avoid. Some people would spend the present indifferently, knowing that time is fleeting and all would just be part of the past. Some would choose not to experience the present because they are more concerned with the future, this is when people would make the present a means to achieve a goal. Working for a good future, working for good life. It's when people wake up and hasten their lives to success. They want to be there, where life is convenient because they have all what they want in the material sense.
The other week I spent my time in the beach, I watched the sea, the sunset and the children playing. And yes I experienced the present there, I was deeply aware of what was happening around me. The stillness of the present brings about contentment and the realization that happiness is always there. I remember someone saying, 'there is no key to happiness for the door is always open'. There's certainly nothing wrong with planning our future, what are dreams for? Dreams exist so that we could all have something to look forward to. But it's important to know that every day we are given the choice to live in the present and really live every moment. Why do we have to go looking for the key when the door is always open and it could be found in our hearts? If we want to be happy, we have to embrace life and for us to embrace life, we have to learn how to live in the present.

What does love look like?

2008-04-13T00:45:00.003+08:00

What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.

-St. Augustine

Ergo, I have seen love. We have seen love.
Let us hasten to the poor and needy, those who are unwanted.
Let us not be blind to those who are experiencing misery.
Let us not be deaf to the sighs and sorrows.

It's not new when we hear that the self is becoming the center of life.
When selfishness is becoming a virtue to replace love.
Because of the fear that people may not love us in return.
Because of our insecurities, we choose to love ourselves.
It's true that it's difficult to trust other people and that we have to be cautious.
But we have seen and experienced love.
We could still see people who are not afraid to love.
Love still thrives even in the midst of anger and selfishness.

Love created love. Love is to be shared, it was never created to be kept all by ourselves.
Man's humanity lies in the fact that he has the ability to love.
This is what makes man different from any other creature.
For man to truly express his humanity and therefore to truly live, he has to love.
I share the same belief that love is something we do not learn, it is
already inside us, we have the choice of either letting it sleep until we die or waking it up. If we choose to just let it sleep, we could be dead even before we die. When we choose to wake it up, we are choosing to live for it is the very core of this life.

Deus caritas est. Not because we love but because He has loved us first.

respect

2008-04-10T22:17:00.004+08:00

i am quoting from a text conversation with a friend, dated 12 January 2005. i went through my notes of philosophical conversations last weekend after attempting to organize my room and i found this one:

"we're all significantly different beings. what may calm your heart may not calm mine.
what may be noise to you may be music to me.
but would it mean that it's not God who's calming my heart?
or singing me that peaceful music?
God doesn't speak in one voice alone.
He can be every voice you can ever hear.
if only you can admit that you do not know everything.
then you can hear Him and learn with your heart."

this was part of our discussion about religious differences. i found these words to be worth pondering upon. i've observed that we could actually be judgmental about other people without looking at ourselves. especially when we see people who belong to different religions. we tend to think that the path we're walking on is the only path and the things we believe should also be the things that other people should believe. we tend to think that we're way better than others in terms of what we believe. respect. this is a word that is continuously losing its sense, it's perhaps dying. when people would just choose to close their minds. missing the very Truth. we choose to be deaf and blind to what other people believe. we fail to see or even fail to hear what they're doing and what they are saying. war isn't really far from possible if our minds are closed.we begin to judge people according to what they believe basing it from what we believe. if it happens that we don't believe the same things or see things the same way they do, we suddenly conclude that they are wrong, that they are committing terrible mistakes. the other day, a good friend told me that discussions that would include God isn't worth discussing at all. my friend must have learned that all it does is cause trouble that could ruin relationships. i think it's a wise observation. respect, as i see it, is not similar to apathy. respect is far from it, respect isn't being indifferent. it's the awareness of other people's beliefs or views whether we agree or not. it's simply seen or experienced when we listen to what other people say or when other people listen to what we are saying. it's when we treat other people how they're supposed to be treated. in the midst of religious or cultural differences, we have the universal concept of respect.

ennui

2008-04-09T22:05:00.003+08:00

i remember when i was just ten years old. i woke up one morning and realized i am alive and it made me feel very lonely. i woke from a very deep slumber. i still remember that morning so vividly, the deep green stencil (leaves) on the wall and the rusty ceiling with cobwebs. i didn't know what time was it, for i didn't care much about time, i was too young to care or even worry about time. i was just learning how to read time. my time, to tell you the truth, was composed of my parents, they were the ones who told me what and when to do things. they were the stuff my time was made of.
let me go back to that morning. the room was bright, the windows were open. i listened to the sound of the fan. the moment i opened my eyes, i just stared at the ceiling, thinking about God was optional, i didn't think it was required. elementary years. all i knew then was that God was someone we always discussed in our religion class. i really didn't know much. and i didn't know that i didn't know much. knowing was something i didn't know at that age. my parents just sent me to school. and i was, to be honest, too lazy to go to school. it was something i found unnecessary. life was going to school five days a week and playing (upon parents' consent) on weekends.
that morning. i didn't know what day it was, but i'm quite sure it wasn't a weekday. my parents didn't wake me up to tell me that i had to go to school. it was a day i should be happy about but i wasn't. it made me really lonely. it must be because i realized that rest was just saturday and sunday. and the 'not-so-good' days start from monday to friday. i didn't know that the society made these schools, where children could stay and 'learn' while their parents work. i was probably too lazy that time, and i don't know if i still am. school made me think that life could be so boring. it wasn't my concept of living and enjoying life.
this morning i was thinking about that morning, almost fourteen years ago. what would have happened if i rejected attending school? everything would be different from what is happening now. i have a clear notion of time. i somehow learned how to plan. i'm living my life independently. obedience isn't bad after all. and boredom, as i saw it before, could be fun sometimes. and i was never really wrong when i trusted my parents.
for the times i believed that they have made me suffer, i ask for pardon.

evol

2008-04-07T00:28:00.003+08:00

a good friend observed that the word 'love' is often mentioned almost in every entry on this blog and said it's becoming trite. i asked my friend, 'do you easily get tired of the words you often see or hear?' and answered 'it's something i never really thought of, probably, probably not'. which leads me to another question, are there words that we really never get tired of using, seeing or hearing?
maybe i could replace the word 'love' with 'evol' so that it would always have the same freshness and would never run dry. but the emotion would never be the same again, one would have to rationalize the concept of 'evol' as something similar to that of 'love'. it's never easy to introduce new words, but it's something one could always do, what is more difficult is to introduce new meanings, new sense. reflecting about that comment made me think that we could really get tired of words, reading or hearing the same things again and again. our lives are, in a way, dictated by words and the meaning attached to them. most people i know want to see or hear something new. life for them, has become monotonous. some have tried to be creative enough so that they could cope with monotony. thinking of what could make a day different from the other, be it an activity or a change in one's lifestyle. but some people i've met would, and i'm amazed by this, still use the same old words but give out a really good smile, a very happy disposition in life.
i'm wondering how they could maintain the freshness of the same old words they've been using since they were born. they don't experience any monotony. every time you see and hear them speak, you could see it in their eyes, the awe and the life. they didn't need to create new words, they never got tired of the same old words. they speak as if it's their first time to use those old words. enthusiasm, that's what i always see in these people. i believe newness is something we could get from within... it's not what we always see or hear but how we see or hear. if we choose to let the words fade or not. it's never really difficult if inside us is someone who would always have the awe, the ability to wonder even in the midst of 'monotony'.
evol is creative. it makes all things new.

absolute uncertainty

2008-04-04T01:08:00.004+08:00

There are only three sorts of people: those who have found God and serve him; those who are busy seeking him and have not found him; those who live without either seeking or finding him. The first are reasonable and happy, the last are foolish and unhappy, those in the middle are unhappy and reasonable.

-Blaise Pascal

(My personal reflection brought me to the mystery of prayer and the life of prayer. This is perhaps the first time I will be talking about God, I would just like to make it clear that I have no intention of preaching or even contradicting others, as I respect people of different faith or beliefs. If you have queries or other interesting ideas, feel free to ask or tell me.)

Prayer, as I see it, is simply a dialogue with God. It may sound really easy, but it's not. Back in elementary and even high school, prayers were verbally recited as far as one's memory could go, they were words which one had to memorize (out of force if i may say), these words sounded really holy and they were to be said seriously, they were words i really didn't understand, i just recited them for me to show how obedient I was to the teachers, whom I thought never committed any sin and were too clean to teach us how to pray. I never really knew the true value of prayer. Come university life, I joined a religious community and became inactive for two years, went back and served as its head. I would say that my spiritual life grew in the university parish, it was when I prayed with my eyes closed, talking to God. I didn't really care if he was listening or not, I just talked to him and tried listening to him sometimes. Just last year, that's two years after my stay in the university, I was rationalizing if I really needed to pray, I kept on asking to whom am I praying to? If he is really there, does he answer my prayers or is it just me deciding if I'll work and get what I'm praying and what I prayed for? It's not easy to believe someone I do not see or even feel the presence of. It's not easy to pray if the mind is full of uncertainty. I was simply claiming that I could live without praying, and yes, I tried it myself, I tried not to pray or even rejected prayer as something senseless or even useless. I could sleep peacefully without praying, I did that for about three months, and during those times, it wasn't really peaceful and I wasn't really happy with what I was doing. I tried praying again, and I have to say it's different now, it's more of the will that's working, not mere emotions. Doubt, that's perhaps what the rational mind does, but faith, something above reason itself, tells me that He exists and that He is always listening. I'm beginning to accept that a life of prayer is a life of struggle. it's when the heart begins to say something the mind knows nothing of.

paradox

2008-03-12T11:04:00.006+08:00

"In some way, however, small and secret, each of us is a little mad...Everyone is lonely at bottom and cries to be understood; but we can never entirely understand someone else, and each of us remains part stranger even to those who love us...It is the weak who are cruel; gentleness is to be expected only from the strong...Those who do not know fear are not really brave, for courage is the capacity to confront what can be imagined...You can understand people better if you look at them---no matter how old or impressive they may be---as if they are children. For most of us never mature; we simply grow taller...Happiness comes only when we push our hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable...The purpose of life is to matter---to count, to stand for something, to have it make some some difference that we lived at all."

-Leo Rosten

paradoxical life.it is true that we could be dead even before we die...we could live a lifeless life.we could be slaves of our very own freedom. we could be poor even if we have material wealth. nothing in everything. noise in silence. order in chaos. talk about playing with words, but these are verifiable experiences.we could end up really confused. lost. lonely.
we want to be happy.
i have met a lot of people who still hope even in the midst of darkness. they still believe that there will come a time that they will see the light. it really inspires me seeing these kind of people. they are not materially rich, but it's not difficult for them to be happy. these people know what really makes them happy. they know what is essential and they know why it is.
we have to live and embrace life as it is.

mors

2008-03-08T00:03:00.002+08:00

"At dawn the wind came that took Freddie from his branch. It didn't hurt at all. He felt himself float quietly, gently and softly downward. As he fell, he saw the whole tree for the first time. How strong and firm it was! He was sure that it would live for a long time and he knew that he had been part of its life and made him proud.
Freddie landed on a clump of snow. It somehow felt soft and even warm. In this new position he was more comfortable than he had ever been. He closed his eyes and fell asleep. He did not know that Spring would follow Winter and that the snow would melt into water. He did not know that what appeared to be his useless dried self would join with the water and serve to make the tree stronger. Most of all, he did not know that there, asleep in the tree and the ground, were already plans for new leaves in the Spring."

- "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf", Leo Buscaglia

Death. An inevitable reality. It could make one speak of silence and the noise it brings. It could awaken fear. It could lead to the very meaning of life. It's bound to happen and we do not have any choice.we just do not know when and how it is going to happen.fear of the unknown.

Why is it that most of the time one learns to appreciate life only when it is approaching death?
Life begins to show its true value. Every second, minute or hour becomes something of importance. There is, as much as possible, the struggle to make sense out of the remaining time. One begins to value the unseen...one begins to learn how to truly see.
Why is it that one would resolve to be a better person only at the point of realizing that life is about to end? Before, it didn't matter if the action was good or not. It's the fact that one has to enjoy life while still young, not to worry about the consequences. Let tomorrow worry itself.
One, near death, would begin to see or even feel the difference of good from wrong...of light from darkness.One learns to truly hear the voice within...the heart...the very core of being.

One doesn't have to wait for death to say, 'you should change in a few minutes for i'm not very far'.

The saddest experience perhaps is when one realizes only at the time near death, that man has the power to love and he never did and that he has been loved but never loved back.

words

2008-02-25T13:47:00.003+08:00

"The words you speak today should be soft and tender ... for tomorrow you may have to eat them."

- Unknown

yes. words. what we say, what we hear, and what we see. we experience words everyday. we use them to express ourselves, convey what's in our minds. some words could really make us feel good. some, challenge us. flatter us. and even hurt us. some words, and i see this as the most important, could make us believe them and greatly affect how we live our lives. what could make us believe in words? i have observed that it's very easy for us to believe specially if we find them convenient for our lives, not really thinking about the harmful outcome of becoming deaf or blind to the essential words we're suppose to 'see' or listen to. with these we form our own truths and we live these truths. we all are in search of Truth but most of the time we are the one's who create our own truths depending on how convenient it is for us. most of the time we only choose to believe convenient 'truths'.

the words we use vary and sometimes they go against our actions, we begin to eat our words when we don't practice what we have 'preached', we begin to be hypocrites. most words just come out even without thinking much before saying them. i believe that there's also a need to listen to the words we say, or simply to think before we speak. let us be more aware and let us choose the words we say, the words we use. we should never forget the importance of silence. if we have nothing good to say let us keep our silence and surely we will never regret it for doing so.

Listen

2008-02-19T21:58:00.009+08:00

Here's something from Anthony de Mello's book "The Song of the Bird", the title is "Did you hear that bird sing?". The author was a Jesuit priest.

Did you hear that bird sing?

The disciple was always complaining

to his master, "You are hiding

the final secret of Zen from me." And

he would not accept the master's denials.

One day they were walking in the hills

when they heard a bird sing.

"Did you hear that bird sing?" said

the master.

"Yes," said the disciple.

"Well now you know that I have hidden

nothing from you."

"Yes."

- Life has become really noisy and complicated that I sometimes find it silly listening to the song of the birds. I remember the time when I still wonder about the things around me, the things I see, feel, and hear, the time when I still had that certain awe we could always see in kids. Now, everything is different.

Why do I always forget to listen to the song of the birds? Sometimes I am deaf to what I'm supposed to listen to. Listening has become selective, I only choose what's useful for me and never absorb other things which I believe is useless or even senseless.

POVERTY

2008-02-16T01:40:00.002+08:00

We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty.

- Mother Teresa

Think about what really makes us rich and what makes us poor. Think about what we should really value in this life. We all end up thinking about the people we love and the people who love us. A good friend texted me the other day 'it's nice to feel that you're wanted. it means that you're doing some good.' , he was speaking from what he had experienced, he felt that he was appreciated and even wanted. They are truly happy, those who know how to be thankful for the fact that they are loved. They are truly happy, those who never fail to recognize that fact, they know that they are rich...May we never get tired of letting other people feel that they are also wanted...that they are also loved.

recollection

2008-01-04T20:36:00.000+08:00

here's a personal reflection about diversion and darkness dated 26 January 2006, about two years ago. this was written in my uncle's place in pasig when i was still 22, i can't exactly remember what my situation was that time but just reading it tells me that i was going through certain difficulties in life, lacking sense of direction...a dialogue with misery. misery was my companion and she remains to be so. suffering is something i'm afraid to face but the only choice i have is to accept it:

the mind would always want to capture happy moments.
frequently, it dwells in the past. it rarely appreciates the present.
the present brings pain and sadness...things the mind couldn't freely accept...
thus the struggle...slavery from within.the mind clearly becomes a slave of the past.
every struggle brings about darkness...the feeling of being lost.
the loneliness of having no one..of having no companion.the feeling of being alone.
the absence of sight and light.
the heart wants to be free..but the struggle goes on...because of attachment.
it has become a habit.there is great difficulty in changing a certain habit...especially if it
brings 'pleasure'.the feeling of emptiness...life has become senseless.
the mind tends to want more, never really gets contented with the present.
this is perhaps the very reason why man has this so called 'diversion', a 'reality'
he has created to cover reality itself...something that could 'free' him...a form of escape.
Diversion has become an end...this makes things more difficult for man to achieve what
happiness truly is...man today, has a distorted definition of happiness.

Deus absconditus.

2007-12-30T15:23:00.000+08:00

" What is incomprehensible
does not cease to exist."
- Blaise Pascal

Tabaco, Albay. The other day I visited my friends' place there and bought some pineapple wine. It's been about a year since the last time we met. The normal travel time takes about three hours from Naga City but my trip yesterday took about five hours. It was a tiring trip, I should've rode the van as there was none when I arrived at the terminal. One good thing with that long and tedious trip was the chance to take several photo shots of the famous Mt. Mayon and a chance to reflect a bit about how I have spent my time this year.

thoughts

2007-12-28T11:00:00.000+08:00

"The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing"

Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas.
- Blaise Pascal

"Pensees" (French, literally means "thoughts") is the title of a book by Blaise Pascal defending the Christian religion (Apology of the Christian Religion) and his reflections on the human condition. What is really interesting
about this book is Pascal's perspective of man's nature/condition and his concept of 'the heart' or 'coeur' as the center of our very being.
Pascal was probably a very boring person the fact that he was a mathematecian, a physicist and a religious philosopher. The book tells a lot about the way he looks at human reality...describing man's condition as inconstancy, boredom, and anxiety and that for man to address or more of escape this condition he has come up with DIVERSION.
From a personal standpoint, the book has in a way, made me see life in a different light. It has somehow made me a rational person but not to the point of forgetting the fact that emotion is also a gift like reason. Reason and emotion are both part of the 'package' and that it is a continuous struggle to attain balance, that is the right use of both emotion and reason. Thinking too much won't do us any good, the same applies with feeling too much.