paradox

"In some way, however, small and secret, each of us is a little mad...Everyone is lonely at bottom and cries to be understood; but we can never entirely understand someone else, and each of us remains part stranger even to those who love us...It is the weak who are cruel; gentleness is to be expected only from the strong...Those who do not know fear are not really brave, for courage is the capacity to confront what can be imagined...You can understand people better if you look at them---no matter how old or impressive they may be---as if they are children. For most of us never mature; we simply grow taller...Happiness comes only when we push our hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable...The purpose of life is to matter---to count, to stand for something, to have it make some some difference that we lived at all."

-Leo Rosten

paradoxical life.it is true that we could be dead even before we die...we could live a lifeless life.we could be slaves of our very own freedom. we could be poor even if we have material wealth. nothing in everything. noise in silence. order in chaos. talk about playing with words, but these are verifiable experiences.we could end up really confused. lost. lonely.
we want to be happy.
i have met a lot of people who still hope even in the midst of darkness. they still believe that there will come a time that they will see the light. it really inspires me seeing these kind of people. they are not materially rich, but it's not difficult for them to be happy. these people know what really makes them happy. they know what is essential and they know why it is.
we have to live and embrace life as it is.

mors

"At dawn the wind came that took Freddie from his branch. It didn't hurt at all. He felt himself float quietly, gently and softly downward. As he fell, he saw the whole tree for the first time. How strong and firm it was! He was sure that it would live for a long time and he knew that he had been part of its life and made him proud.
Freddie landed on a clump of snow. It somehow felt soft and even warm. In this new position he was more comfortable than he had ever been. He closed his eyes and fell asleep. He did not know that Spring would follow Winter and that the snow would melt into water. He did not know that what appeared to be his useless dried self would join with the water and serve to make the tree stronger. Most of all, he did not know that there, asleep in the tree and the ground, were already plans for new leaves in the Spring."

- "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf", Leo Buscaglia


Death. An inevitable reality. It could make one speak of silence and the noise it brings. It could awaken fear. It could lead to the very meaning of life. It's bound to happen and we do not have any choice.we just do not know when and how it is going to happen.fear of the unknown.

Why is it that most of the time one learns to appreciate life only when it is approaching death?
Life begins to show its true value. Every second, minute or hour becomes something of importance. There is, as much as possible, the struggle to make sense out of the remaining time. One begins to value the unseen...one begins to learn how to truly see.
Why is it that one would resolve to be a better person only at the point of realizing that life is about to end? Before, it didn't matter if the action was good or not. It's the fact that one has to enjoy life while still young, not to worry about the consequences. Let tomorrow worry itself.
One, near death, would begin to see or even feel the difference of good from wrong...of light from darkness.One learns to truly hear the voice within...the heart...the very core of being.

One doesn't have to wait for death to say, 'you should change in a few minutes for i'm not very far'.

The saddest experience perhaps is when one realizes only at the time near death, that man has the power to love and he never did and that he has been loved but never loved back.

words

"The words you speak today should be soft and tender ... for tomorrow you may have to eat them."

- Unknown

yes. words. what we say, what we hear, and what we see. we experience words everyday. we use them to express ourselves, convey what's in our minds. some words could really make us feel good. some, challenge us. flatter us. and even hurt us. some words, and i see this as the most important, could make us believe them and greatly affect how we live our lives. what could make us believe in words? i have observed that it's very easy for us to believe specially if we find them convenient for our lives, not really thinking about the harmful outcome of becoming deaf or blind to the essential words we're suppose to 'see' or listen to. with these we form our own truths and we live these truths. we all are in search of Truth but most of the time we are the one's who create our own truths depending on how convenient it is for us. most of the time we only choose to believe convenient 'truths'.

the words we use vary and sometimes they go against our actions, we begin to eat our words when we don't practice what we have 'preached', we begin to be hypocrites. most words just come out even without thinking much before saying them. i believe that there's also a need to listen to the words we say, or simply to think before we speak. let us be more aware and let us choose the words we say, the words we use. we should never forget the importance of silence. if we have nothing good to say let us keep our silence and surely we will never regret it for doing so.

Listen

Here's something from Anthony de Mello's book "The Song of the Bird", the title is "Did you hear that bird sing?". The author was a Jesuit priest.

Did you hear that bird sing?

The disciple was always complaining

to his master, "You are hiding

the final secret of Zen from me." And

he would not accept the master's denials.

One day they were walking in the hills

when they heard a bird sing.

"Did you hear that bird sing?" said

the master.

"Yes," said the disciple.

"Well now you know that I have hidden

nothing from you."

"Yes."

- Life has become really noisy and complicated that I sometimes find it silly listening to the song of the birds. I remember the time when I still wonder about the things around me, the things I see, feel, and hear, the time when I still had that certain awe we could always see in kids. Now, everything is different.

Why do I always forget to listen to the song of the birds? Sometimes I am deaf to what I'm supposed to listen to. Listening has become selective, I only choose what's useful for me and never absorb other things which I believe is useless or even senseless.

POVERTY

We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty.

- Mother Teresa

Think about what really makes us rich and what makes us poor. Think about what we should really value in this life. We all end up thinking about the people we love and the people who love us. A good friend texted me the other day 'it's nice to feel that you're wanted. it means that you're doing some good.' , he was speaking from what he had experienced, he felt that he was appreciated and even wanted. They are truly happy, those who know how to be thankful for the fact that they are loved. They are truly happy, those who never fail to recognize that fact, they know that they are rich...May we never get tired of letting other people feel that they are also wanted...that they are also loved.

recollection

here's a personal reflection about diversion and darkness dated 26 January 2006, about two years ago. this was written in my uncle's place in pasig when i was still 22, i can't exactly remember what my situation was that time but just reading it tells me that i was going through certain difficulties in life, lacking sense of direction...a dialogue with misery. misery was my companion and she remains to be so. suffering is something i'm afraid to face but the only choice i have is to accept it:

the mind would always want to capture happy moments.
frequently, it dwells in the past. it rarely appreciates the present.
the present brings pain and sadness...things the mind couldn't freely accept...
thus the struggle...slavery from within.the mind clearly becomes a slave of the past.
every struggle brings about darkness...the feeling of being lost.
the loneliness of having no one..of having no companion.the feeling of being alone.
the absence of sight and light.
the heart wants to be free..but the struggle goes on...because of attachment.
it has become a habit.there is great difficulty in changing a certain habit...especially if it
brings 'pleasure'.the feeling of emptiness...life has become senseless.
the mind tends to want more, never really gets contented with the present.
this is perhaps the very reason why man has this so called 'diversion', a 'reality'
he has created to cover reality itself...something that could 'free' him...a form of escape.
Diversion has become an end...this makes things more difficult for man to achieve what
happiness truly is...man today, has a distorted definition of happiness.

Deus absconditus.

" What is incomprehensible
does not cease to exist."
- Blaise Pascal

Tabaco, Albay. The other day I visited my friends' place there and bought some pineapple wine. It's been about a year since the last time we met. The normal travel time takes about three hours from Naga City but my trip yesterday took about five hours. It was a tiring trip, I should've rode the van as there was none when I arrived at the terminal. One good thing with that long and tedious trip was the chance to take several photo shots of the famous Mt. Mayon and a chance to reflect a bit about how I have spent my time this year.

thoughts

"The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing"

Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas.

- Blaise Pascal

"Pensees" (French, literally means "thoughts") is the title of a book by Blaise Pascal defending the Christian religion (Apology of the Christian Religion) and his reflections on the human condition. What is really interesting
about this book is Pascal's perspective of man's nature/condition and his concept of 'the heart' or 'coeur' as the center of our very being.
Pascal was probably a very boring person the fact that he was a mathematecian, a physicist and a religious philosopher. The book tells a lot about the way he looks at human reality...describing man's condition as inconstancy, boredom, and anxiety and that for man to address or more of escape this condition he has come up with DIVERSION.
From a personal standpoint, the book has in a way, made me see life in a different light. It has somehow made me a rational person but not to the point of forgetting the fact that emotion is also a gift like reason. Reason and emotion are both part of the 'package' and that it is a continuous struggle to attain balance, that is the right use of both emotion and reason. Thinking too much won't do us any good, the same applies with feeling too much.