Pensees No. 143

We are full of things that impel us outwards. Our instinct makes us feel that our happiness must be sought outside ourselves. Our passions drive us outwards, even without objects to excite them. External objects tempt us in themselves and entice us even when we do not think about them. Thus it is no good philosophers telling us:

Withdraw into yourselves and there you will find your good. We do not believe them, and those

who believe them are the most empty and silly of all.

                                                  - Blaise Pascal, Pensees No. 143


What's new about SONA? They did not burn the effigy. That's what is different about it. Perhaps there's much hope as if to say, "let him prove himself as our leader". So some would just choose to watch first before they say anything and I think it's the wise thing to do... for now. It's too early to claim national transformation. The government today has become a huge auditor of the previous administration's expenses. The previous government's stench is what gives the current government its very "strength". Say something bad about the previous government and your image will look great.Just great.
The question now, is the current government moving towards real change or is it merely creating an illusion of change?


As I watched them answer their midterm exam, one of my students was busy tinkering his calculator with such certainty, really focused on solving the problem I gave. I found the sight interesting, I thought he probably knows how to solve it, i can even hear the sound of the calculator buttons/pad from where i stood. Several minutes after I announced that they can start submitting their test papers, the student stood up to submit his paper. As I was really interested, I hurriedly checked the part where they should answer the problem to see if he got the answers right...and I was amazed too see a blank paper. What was that student solving when I saw him seriously manipulating his computing machine? He may have tried or he thought "i'm supposed to be seen answering the problem but i don't know how so i'll just pretend that i'm using my calculator". Strange. Really strange.

what we are not

earlier today, i rode the bus going to the university where i work at. i was looking at my watch every now and then, probably because i was running late. the trip is also the time when i gather my thoughts for the day's activities, preparing what approach i would use for the lectures.
i had a seven a.m. class. just ten minutes before seven, a girl about eleven or twelve of age sat beside me, she was also on her way to attend school based on the fact that she was wearing a school's uniform. before she sat she patted my shoulders signaling me to move a bit. i was a bit busy with thinking how my day would go. i looked at her and moved to give her some space so she could sit. while seated, i noticed she tried to look at me for several seconds and tried to look at the other direction. she was probably observing. after some seconds of silence, probably thinking if she should speak or not, she looked at me and ask in a very gentle and innocent tone: "padi ca po?"(are you a priest?). a question which i didn't really expect.
i did not have a ready answer so in silence i slightly turned my head from side to side to mean no. i did not see her reaction. after a few minutes she went ahead to attend school. while on the bus i contemplated on what could have made that girl ask that kind of question?

last sunday's sermon is somehow related to what had happened this morning. the celebrant talked about the real essence of a human being by discussing what man is not. he mentioned three important things that we are not supposed to identify ourselves with.
the first is that we are not what we own. we are not what we have. it is wrong to identify ourselves with our possessions or properties clearly because the essence of man is not only limited to tangible things.
secondly, we are not what other people say. the point here is to look at how we are living our lives, are we slaves of good reputation? do we always please people by acting according to what they want? again, the real self is not dependent on how other people see us and what they say about us. it's something more than that.
third, we are not what we can do. it is not right to equate ourselves with our talents, our job and even our achievements. there certainly is something more than the things we can do.

is it already clear to us that we are not to identify ourselves with the three things?
are we fond of looking at the things we have and boast about them? do we always pattern our lives to the notion that other people should see us untarnished? do we tend to please other people more often, to the point of false humility? do we claim that we are what we do? that the self is no different from our work or our talents? do we limit ourselves to these things?
half of the year is over but it's never too late to rethink the way we see life. the way we value ourselves. the things we identify ourselves with. we have to be aware of one simple fact: that we human beings were certainly made for greater things.

kairos*

Let me start today's reflection with a short story about two monks and a lady, here it is:

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her.

The senior monk carried this woman on his shoulder, forded the river and let her down on the other bank. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing.

They both were walking and the senior monk noticed that his junior was suddenly silent and inquired "Is something the matter, you seem very upset?"

The junior monk replied, "As monks, we are not permitted to touch a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?"

The senior monk replied, "I left the woman a long time ago at the bank, however, you seem to be carrying her still."

reflection:

several minutes ago i turned our calendar to what month it's supposed to be, half of the year has ended, i'd say very quickly. in about four or five months we will start worrying about the holidays. more than two weeks ago i went to an island called maculabo, i still  don't know the origin of the name but it sure was a great place. the trip was something "unplanned",  because it only took us less than thirty minutes to decide that we definitely have to go there.  aside from the beautiful beach, beautiful means white sand and azure waters in this case, we also trekked to see the rock formation on the other side of the island. it reminded me of the photos i've seen of batanes, windy grasslands and cliffs and the vast sea. i also had a chance to gain new friends (see facebook). different walks of life. different motivations why they went to the place. we drank cuatro cantos (ginebra san miguel),  and ate really good food except for the grilled liempo which was tough. i had a hard time chewing the meat.  i got to experience stillness in the middle of a mild storm inside a tent, which was dripping along with the rains. it wasn't waterproof, we just found out that night and accepted the hard fact that it just wasn't waterproof.

in about an hour i will be in front of my class and will start my lecture about the ten principles of economics by greg mankiw, an economist based in harvard. i will be talking to sophomore students, deciding what major to pursue, and i need to sound very convincing to entice them to take ageconomics as their major. talk about vested interests.

when asked what i am doing right now, i'd say i'm typing this while reflecting, and going back once in  a while to sip coffee. that's what i'm exactly doing right now, which in just a matter of milliseconds will become part of human history, part of the past. what's good about the future, i've heard, is that it's not here yet. what's good about the past, i'd say, is that it's not here anymore.
and the present? what can we say about the present? the present simply comes to pass in a matter of milliseconds.gone even before you think it is. so we never really own time. so we never really have the chance to hold on to our precious time. it's similar to writing about that island while i'm sitting inside my room.

sequential events. we look at the quantitative nature of time, for instance, how long it would take to write this without me being late for class. we look back and we look ahead. we are aware that it is finite. limited.

*the qualitative nature of time. definition

photo by ms. trish benitez

remembering blaise pascal

It was Blaise Pascal's 387th birthday last Saturday. His work Pensees is the inspiration of this blog. I encountered that book back when I was in high school. Until now, i still find time to read his brilliant piece of work. 

It created in me an awareness of the mystery of human life and even the existence of God, that in each of us- no matter how incomprehensible things are, there is this sanctuary inside where we can contemplate and reflect. 
Even if it has been more than 380 years, his writings on the nature of human life still applies.still observable.
Some things indeed never change. Here's to inconstancy, boredom, and anxiety.

on humor

Brother John entered the "Monastery of Silence" and the Abbott said,"Brother, this is a silent monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Brother John lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbott said to him, "Brother John, you have been here five years now; you may speak two words."

Brother John said, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Abbot said. "We will get you a better bed."

After another five years, Brother John was called by the Abbott. "You may say another two words, Brother John."

"Cold food," said Brother John, and the Abbott assured him that the food would be better in the future.

On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbott again call Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today."

"I quit," said Brother John.

"It is probably best, you've done nothing but complain since you got here." *




let's leave politics to the politicians for now. we're still in that stage of being hopeful mixed with a certain degree of apathy. we are somehow hopeful that the new president will do something new or something redemptive and we are somehow apathetic since we tend to go back to that basic question, "what's new?" politics has always been and will always be dirty.

now on to that serious matter, i have been reflecting on how this blog has progressed or developed in terms of maturity and depth. i noticed that the flow has been that of a serious tone, an inclination to sound absolute given the inconsistencies of life. some entries have made me and the readers laugh, probably about ten percent of the whole blog. yes, i'm talking about humor or simply the ability to laugh. let's ask ourselves one basic question: when was the last time i really had a good laugh? if your answer goes like "i can't remember" or "it's been about a year" and you're asking why all things are going wrong and life has become chaotic. then you may be taking things too seriously or you just don't have any clear reason as to why you should laugh.

the word "life" is not and will never be synonymous to the word "problem". try to remember the time when you laughed, it simply made things light. it's quite clear that it's not the problems that come, they're part of the package for as long as we are alive, it's how we deal with them. cheerfulness is one way of coping with life's ups and downs. i seldom meet cheerful people, they sure have their own share of problems but they know how to handle them.

so laugh when there's an opportunity to do so. what's good about laughter is that there's no rule as to how you should do it. it comes naturally and with such spontaneity. there's no such thing as a bad laugh. be it the basic "hahaha" or simple "hehe". we should, however, be aware of the things we laugh at. it shouldn't be something out of sarcasm, bad jokes and even the misfortune of other people. the intention should be clean, it shouldn't be a cause of insult. other than the considerations mentioned, laughing is easy. it's never too late to laugh again.

one last thing, i have observed that laughter is contagious. i suggest that we start collecting humorous jokes and experiences. start sharing them. laughter is one of those contagious acts which makes other people feel well.


*from this site

ode to philippine poverty

yes, they all want to serve, them who are running for public office. and most of them are running in the name of poverty. the political ads of one presidential candidate, with that cheerful melody, tells us about the glory of poverty. the lyrics points to him as the one who is truly poor.
'mahirap'- poor.he was born poor.he was once poor, bathed in a sea of garbage, spent christmas in the streets.
another candidate is claiming that he also had his share of suffering, because he saw how his mom and dad suffered.'naghirap'-suffered.
lastly, we have a presidentiable who is 'para sa mahirap'- for the poor or pro-poor.

they are fighting against poverty.one is saying that if there's no corruption in the government no one will be poor.this is the same person who had been given a public position for more than ten years.the other one would like to eradicate poverty, given six years as the president of the country, how can he totally get rid of poverty? we're talking about millions of citizens here.
the question is, why only now? they were all there seated in the senate or congress and they've only thought of fighting poverty now.
it's funny, the elite trying to own or grab poverty itself.
they really want to own practically almost everything...even poverty!
now is the time to really think whom we should vote for.

it's certainly not the one who has highly praised poverty.
it's certainly not the one who's claiming he had his share of suffering.
it's the one who has served and continues to serve.
let's not just depend on conscience, today we have to be logical.
it's not much of what we feel, it's more of having a solid basis or reason why we should vote for our preferred candidates.

a parable on modern life

Here's something from Anthony de Mello's book "The Song of the Bird".

A Parable on Modern Life

The animals met in assembly and began to complain

that humans were always taking things from them.

"They take my milk," said the cow.

"They take my eggs," said the hen.

"They take my flesh for bacon," said the hog.

"They hunt me for my oil," said the whale.

Finally the snail spoke. "I have something they would

certainly take away from me if they could.

Something they want more than anything else.

I have TIME."

-You have all the time in the world, if you would give it to yourself.What's stopping you?

personal reflection:

what's stopping you? yes, it's also worth our time to reflect about TIME, it's one of the most important intangible elements in man's existence. so how do we spend our time?does it go to trivial things?or to where it's supposed to be spent?is it being consumed just to satisfy our personal interests?making money?does some of it go to the needy?the people who needs a bit of our time?or is it concentrated to fill our pleasure-seeking appetite?can we really claim for ourselves that we are using it wisely?or are we simply wasting it?it's very rare when we meet people saying they have so much time.it's always the case of 'i don't have enough time.' we can't add to what has been established as twenty four hours, we can't even deduct an hour or a minute from it. we simply have to sort things out. we have to identify what activities do not deserve our time, they are the so-called 'time-wasters'. i think everyone has them. we simply have to eliminate these time-wasters and devote that time to more productive things.

lastly, let us learn how to be more appreciative of this valuable

gift. time is actually how we often measure life.how we spend it can actually say something about what kind of people we are.

photo taken from this site

of accidents and gentle giants

inputs are welcome but my IT is absolute!-->first day
0900 - met Darwyn, Janice and Lee at Naga Van Terminal.left Naga for Legazpi City. we rode a van (150.00). we were supposed to meet at 8am but i arrived late because i had to attend an important event, which i personally understand to be a higher good.
1120 - Legazpi City Grand Terminal. there was a miscommunication as we were to meet Mel and Pompo in Daraga terminal. we just rode the van going to Pilar from the Grand Terminal, had two seats reserved and decided to pass by Daraga Terminal for Mel and Pompo. we also ate lunch before we went to Pilar.
1200 - van left bound to Pilar, Sorsogon (66.60). the two groups merged and discussed the miscommunication.I said I don't think the words 'shell' and 'church' were in the itinerary (and rechecking the itinerary after the trip, i was right).
1315 - arrived at Pilar Port (Sorsogon), the group asked around, we were after the fast craft which according to the schedule, left at twelve noon. we were just hopeful we could still catch that trip. given the situation, we decided to follow plan B, ride a snail vessel, in our case it was Gloria 10 which took three hours to reach our destination. after paying the terminal fee (5.00) the fare (200.00) we went to the boat.
1330 - travel to masbate.Gloria 10 had a capacity of 108 passengers, familiar sight was life vests tucked on the 'ceiling' and lots of pineapple at the back part. how did we spend the travel time? we played cards and took photos of the rock formation/islets (monreal island).some slept during the trip.
1630 - masbate port. we were in hurry since we were after the van trip to sha's place. we were informed that the trip actually stops at sun down (according to pompo). sounds really primitive but we were all looking at the sun. we rode the trike to the terminal and met joseph (sha's husband), good thing he was able to save some seats on the van. we left at 1700.


1700 - trip to cabitan. above is one of the photos i took while riding the van. the high speed ride and motion gave that surreal effect. this was taken at dusk.
1830 - arrived at cabitan, joseph was already there, he went ahead of us with his motorbike. we paid the fare (80.00) then rode the motorbike to sha's place (10.00)
1845 - after that long and winding trip, we finally arrived at sha's place,really cozy.after that warm welcome, she prepared dinner. we ate at 1930, the food was hearty just like how our host welcomed us. after dinner, we gathered for the reunion proper along with the videoke and the mixed brandy and iced tea drink. it was a recollection of old memories, about ten years ago there was our batch, jovellanos. 0130 - it was time for us to get some rest.


sh*t happens.-second day
0600 - with less than 5 hours of sleep, we woke up to prepare for the day's activities. ate breakfast and took a bath. sha told us that there was a bus bound for masbate city proper at 0700, we were waiting just outside the compound but no bus came. we decided to go directly to mandaon as it would mean longer waiting time if we decided to ride the van in cabitan. we rode the motorbike (40.00) and the travel time took almost thirty minutes.
0730 - left mandaon. van ride (100.00) took more than an hour before we arrived at the city proper. most of us slept during the trip to compensate for lack of it.
0905 - arrived at the van terminal and discussed the itinerary. there were three destinations that day. we omitted one (baleno)since we found out that it would consume a lot of time just going there. we decided to go to the nearest destination (buntod reef) and then mobo island at 1400 (later this would change due to some uncontrollable event). we've arranged the transpo for the afternoon event, rent a van to mobo.we rode the trike to barangay tugbo, place near buntod reef, we dropped by a certain resort and the drivers were informed to ask permission from the mayor of masbate. and so we went to the mayor to ask for his kind permission, the mayor told us 'you don't need any permit, it's open to the public'. we went back to barangay tugbo, the trike drivers looked for their banca (small about) operator contact residing somewhere along the road. after several minutes of negotiation we settled for a transpo fee of 600.00, back and forth.
1000 - left for buntod reef. it was a 15-minute boat ride.we didn't think much about the scorching heat of the sun as we were struck with awe.for me it was like calaguas the second time around. we took photos of the place. they swam. some parts were filled with mangroves.spent about two hours savoring nature.
1155 - on our way back to masbate proper, when our banca was just about five hundred meters before it reaches the shore, our puny banca capsized.caused by a big wave, an imbalance in the support and somehow my heavy weight. it happened so fast, all i can hear was janice shouting 'O! O! O!' and 'bag ko! bag ko!' (my bag! my bag!). luckily there was another banca passing by, signaled us that they'll come. when the banca was about to capsize, i already knew that it was certainly going to happen.my mind went blank when the banca capsized. i didn't know what to do. it was only after a few seconds when i realized that i was swimming to save my life. i tried to look for my bag, it wasn't there.maybe it sank. the functional banca brought us to a resort. there we stayed for a few hours to dry our things. after about thirty minutes, they retrieved the three missing bags. all soaked and drenched. yes. my cellphone expired because of that accident. i had it fixed but it's a hopeless case. while on the resort we had to share our personal experiences on what happened. we share the same thing: blank thoughts while the boat turned except for janice who was yelling because she was worried about her bag. we had a good laugh at what happened contrary to what we're supposed to feel as a normal reaction to what happened.
1540 - after drying our clothes and eating lunch with two bottles of my favorite cerveza we decided to cancel our mobo trip and left the resort to transfer to a hotel in the city proper. checked in at gv hotel (650.00 two heads/room, additional 250 for an extra bed. we occupied two rooms as there were six of us.
1630 - we prepared for a walk at the city proper, pompo decided to have his cellphone fixed, marilee and janice went to buy some clothes, mel, darwyn, and i joined pompo.we waited more than an hour only to know that they can't fix pompo's phone. after this frustrating realization, we tried to look for the souvenir shop selling cowboy hats, darwyn wanted to buy one. it took us about an hour before we found the place, and when we arrived the shop was already closed. most stores close at six in the evening.
1900 - ate dinner at odi's. we were all starving. we ordered bulalo and rice meals. pompo shouldered about seventy percent of the total expenses.too bad they didn't have my favorite cerveza.
2100 - went back to the hotel. i took a bath since the walk made me sweat a lot and the night was quite warm even with the airconditon on, probably because the walls absorbed some heat in the afternoon. we gathered at the girl's room since it was cool in there, we were able to do some post-event analysis/evaluation and came up with the resolution: texting while boating is really dangerous (from what janice experienced).
we also discussed the itinerary for the next day: wake up at three thirty in the morning because the fast craft to pilar leaves at four.
2200 - slept early because we were all somehow tired. paradise and accident all experienced within a day.



yudisota!-third day
0400 - it's clear that we did not wake up according to the itinerary, just packed our things and went to masbate port. the fast craft has already left. a coincidence maybe, Gloria 10 vessel (200.00) was there and would leave at six thirty, we ate our breakfast of goto with egg (rice porridge)(40.00, goto with egg is 30.00 and since we ate egg there was an additional 10.00-we were all confused) and waited at the boat.
0630 - boat left for pilar, sorsogon. stayed outside the boat to view the rock formation and talk to a masbateno who happens to be a social studies teacher. also watched some dolphins and flying fish. the weather was fair. i spent almost 3 hours just watching and reflecting a bit.
0930 - arrived at pilar port(5.00 terminal fee again). bought some lanzones (Lancium domesticum) from Camiguin (50.00), sweet, no doubt it's from Camiguin. we looked for the jeep bound to donsol and found it passing just in front of pilar church.
0945 - rode the jeep to donsol (15.00)
1030 - arrived at donsol, rode the trike (20.00) to barangay dancal.
1045 - registered at the municipal tourism office. registration is 100.00 and boat rate is 685.00 per head with an additional 250.00 if you'd opt to rent their flippers and mask.

1100 - met sir gerry, our guide and 'life saver' along with the spotter (spots the whale shark) and two banca operators. for two hours we spotted about five whale sharks. my first and second attempt to go after the whale shark failed. the second attempt made me tired, i was swimming towards our banca which was quite far, i gulped about a liter of seawater, and i signaled for help. sir gerry swam and saved me.thanks to him i'm still alive. i rested on the third and fourth sighting. the fifth attempt was successful, the whale shark was just below my feet when i watched, serenely swimming. that's where they got the 'gentle giants'. gigantic yet serene creatures.

1300 - went back to mainland donsol.took a bath. drank a bottle of cold cerveza and bought some souvenirs.a nice way to end whale shark watching.

1345 - rode the trike to giddy's, a resto which the trike driver recommended. again, we were all starving. i'd say the food was pricey but wasn't that good.

1445 - road trike to van terminal bound for legazpi (10.00). ate halo halo at the terminal since we were waiting for passengers to fill the van.

1530 - van trip to legazpi (60.00). as expected, we all slept during the trip.

1630 - arrived at legazpi grand terminal. rode the van bound to naga(150.00). yes, we slept again.pompo rode the van bound for nabua to attend to urgent family matters.

1900 - naga city proper.parted ways. all tired but all satisfied with the three-day event.

third and fourth photo from yudi mel's camera taken by myself and ironmark respectively

2010:no new year's resolution

the first two weeks of the year usually starts with that great struggle to implement whatever resolution one has come up. it usually doesn't work.the third week is the beginning of what the year really will be. we know the rewards of our resolution but we do not necessarily impose punishments if we're not able to effectively do them. i decided not to make a list of resolutions this year, i had a long list last year and didn't accomplish anything. for someone who was not born yesterday, someone who already has gray hair at twenty six and still counting, i believe it's wise not to make such a list especially if it's already quite clear that it won't work after the second week. it's the case of the more you want to get rid of something, say a habit, the more you think of it.and the more you think or even contemplate about it, the higher the chance of sliding back to zero. it's the familiar game called snakes and ladders, it's just that we don't use any dice to play life's game. there's certainly nothing wrong with deciding to change a bad habit and making resolutions to do so. but looking at the nature of resolutions, they talk more of what we're not supposed to do. they usually start with 'i won't' or 'i'll never do this or do that again'.it may be the very reason why it's difficult.it's not that i got tired or skeptical of making that list, the main basis is nothing has been accomplished since the time i decided to make yearly resolutions. i already know what needs to be changed and it's not easy. my approach this year would be that of not imposing too much pressure, changing a habit not by thinking that i'm not supposed to do it but observing.watching.and gradually understanding.this i learned from a book entitled 'awareness'.it claims that the trouble with people is that they're busy fixing things they don't even understand. change actually begins with understanding. my goal for this year is to change with/by understanding. how do i go about changing old habits? it's also in the book, 'when there's something within you that moves in the right direction, it creates its own discipline.'